God's Timing

I can't believe it has now been a full year since I walked the stage and received my diploma (shown in the picture above).

Well, it's been a full year now since I graduated high school. It is crazy to think that it has been so long, as it only feels like it has only been a couple since I walked on stage and received my diploma, and then spent the entire night celebrating with my friends at the school graduation party until about 5 in the morning. It has been a testament to how fast time goes as you get older, as this past year has gone by in a flash.

Has it been a good year? Even I don't know. I feel like I have learned and matured in the time I've spent at a home this year. I've learned that laziness isn't an acceptable way of life, and that we were created to work. I also feel like I've discovered what I might want to do with my life, and that is to continue writing. I can thank the people who encouraged me to start this blog for that.

The next question is where do I go from here? I feel like a lot of people expect me to know what my next move is. I don't. Many people know that last year I resented the thought of going away to college and leaving high school. I thoroughly enjoyed my senior year, and I would say that I had a pretty enjoyable high school experience as a whole. For me, one of the toughest things is for me to leave that. To step out of my comfort zone and step in to the unknown. I got to Taylor University and after about 24 hours, called it quits. I didn't feel it was the right fit and I figured that if I spent a year at community college, I could better prepare myself for college. I felt like God would tell me when it was time for me to get to school, and tell me what that school was. Now that it's been a full year, while I feel that I have grown, I also feel like I am just as clueless as I was a year ago.

This has left me spending much time praying about what I should do, and thinking about the prospect of God's timing. The more I pray about it, the more it feels like God doesn't have a set time for me to go away to school. I feel that it is something that I need to do. As I said, it's one year later and my thoughts about college still haven't changed. I don't like it. I miss high school. I don't want to go off somewhere. And that probably isn't going to change. There isn't going to be a perfect time where everything feels perfect and I'll be pumped about going to school. That simply isn't going to happen.

And with that said, the more I think about, the more I think it would be good for me to dive in head first in to college. It's something I don't want to do. Am I afraid? Maybe, maybe not. I don't know. But I know I am stubborn. I need to be more open to changes in life. Throughout my life I've hated change. I think the only major change in my life that I have been really happy about was graduating from middle school and starting high school. Other than that, I've pretty much been unhappy with change. I've spent a lot of time thinking about "the good old days", whether it be with high school, or my old church youth group, or whatever. It's been a hard pill to swallow that those days are never coming back. And I've had a hard time believing that things just as good, and maybe even better, have yet to come.

Instead of lamenting over all these changes, I should be celebrating the fact that through all this change, one thing stays constant: and that is God. God never changes, and he's there whenever you need him (everyday).

And so going back to the topic of God's timing. I believe God has a set timing for certain things. Perhaps a fair example of this is that at the age of 18, I still haven't had a girlfriend, much less gone on a date. Perhaps that is because maybe I haven't been mature enough to lead a healthy and Christ-centered relationship. I don't know. But I believe God's timing may have to do with that. But at the same time, I don't think everything has a set time. There are certain times where it up to us to make the right decision. And I think this may be one of those times. It may be time for me to dive in somewhere and just trust God.

So what is next for me? I honestly have no clue. It's something I am trying to figure out. It may be late for me to find a school for the fall. I don't know. But it's time for me to get going on stuff. I can't afford to live another year of my life like the one I just did. While I learned, and if I were to go back, I'd still make the same decision, I can't accept laziness as a way of life. I should have taken more classes. But maybe God used that year to teach me this now and get me more fired up about serving him in the fall. No matter where I'm at, I need to be giving it my all, whether that means spending another semester or year at Oakton or starting at a new school in a couple months, I don't know. I don't know where I want to go to school, but I know that I need to start somewhere soon, in the very near future. I need to continue to look at schools and figure out what I want in a school.

If you could please pray for me as I try to figure this stuff out, I would greatly appreciate it. And if you ever want to talk to me about it with me, even if I haven't talked to you in two years, or have hardly spoken with you and you found this blog from my excessive Facebook posts, feel free to send me a message or a chat if you have any words of wisdom or advice, if you know of any good schools, or if you just want to talk with me about it. I would greatly appreciate that as well. So thanks.

Lastly, I would like to close this blog with a song by my favorite band that pretty much sums up what I've been doing: overthinking. So go ahead and check that out, and have a good day.