5 Thoughts for when a Friend Passes

Here's a picture of Paul from when he won a scholarship for his artwork.

This past Friday night, I received the very unfortunate news that Paul Bucci, a friend of mine from high school had taken his life and was no longer with us. While I was not as close to Paul as some of my friends are, Paul and I did spend a decent amount of time together in high school. Anytime our friends got together to play football, he was there. He didn't like basketball much, but sometimes he'd even play that with us too. I first met Paul sophomore year, which was the year I found my main group of friends throughout high school, whom I still see every break. Paul struck me as a goof, in the best way possible. He was goofy and absolutely hilarious. When we played football, he was a monster. He spent his freshman year playing fullback on the school team, where he would run straight at his opponents, and in many occasions, light them up. After freshman year, he hung up the cleats, joined the track and cross-country teams, and stuck to playing pick-up games with a bunch of (at the time) scrawny track kids. Paul was strong, and he could hit hard if he wanted to. But what was so interesting about him, is that all the strength he had was natural. He didn't spend his time in the gym lifting to get big like the rest of us. Nope, when Paul wasn't doing schoolwork or playing sports with us, he would spend his time doodling and creating drawings and cartoons. Paul's artwork was incredible. It earned him a scholarship, something I forgot entirely until I started looking back on his life. Why did I forget? Because Paul was so humble, he never spent his time telling people how great he was. He just was great.

As I hinted earlier, Paul was also a great character. No one will ever steal his place in my "top 10 funniest people I know" rankings. Later in this blog, I'll share some stories about him, however putting them in writing simply won't do them justice. You'd have to know Paul to appreciate Paul, and if you never did know Paul, I feel sorry for you, because you missed out on an amazing human being. On top of being "the funny guy", and even more important, Paul was a good friend. He was a very easy-going guy. If you heard that some of our friends were ever arguing about something ridiculous, you could try to guess who was arguing, but your last guess would be Paul. Paul could get along with anyone. Over the course of high school, I got to know Paul pretty well. By the time senior year rolled around, we were pretty good pals. Freshman year of college, when Paul was at University of Wisconsin-Madison, was probably when I was closest with him. Paul and became good friends, and we were able to talk to each other about any kind of troubles we might have been facing. The summer after freshman year, better known as last summer, Paul's family moved back to Pennsylvania. This robbed us of another summer with him. Some time during this past year, he deactived his Facebook account, and slowly we started to drift apart. As you grow up and enter college, it becomes more difficult to stay in touch with everybody. You can only have so many people in your life. I had hoped that Paul would make a visit this summer and we could catch-up, but sadly that wasn't the case. The last time I saw Paul was winter break freshman year, his last break when he lived here. A couple nights before he headed back to school a few of us got together for wings and chilling. When it was over, we had a little bro-hug and said our goodbyes. The thought that this was the last time we would ever see each other on this planet never crossed our minds.

These last few days have been unlike anything I have experienced before. I've learned some stuff, re-learned some stuff, and spent a lot of time journaling and writing poetry. Through it all there have been five things that have stuck out, and I would like to share them with you.

1. Nothing lasts forever.
In Ecclesiastes 3, it says that there is a time for every activity under the heavens:

There is a time for everything,
    and a season for every activity under the heavens:
2     a time to be born and a time to die,
    a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3     a time to kill and a time to heal,
    a time to tear down and a time to build,
4     a time to weep and a time to laugh,
    a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5     a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
    a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
6     a time to search and a time to give up,
    a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7     a time to tear and a time to mend,
    a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8     a time to love and a time to hate,
    a time for war and a time for peace.
-Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

What do we see in that text? There is a time to weep. There is a time to mourn. There is a time for death. Death is inevitable. For me, being 19 years-old, death isn't something I spend much time thinking about. After Paul's death, it felt like this is where life starts. As depressing and as messed-up as it is, death is a part of life. No one knows their time. Life could end at any point for any of us, and when it comes to life, none of us will make it out alive. I would love to think that everyone else I know will live to be 70 or 80 years-old, but that probably won't be the case. We can take care of our bodies, and keep them in tip-top shape by exercising and eating healthy, which we should do, but life could end at any moment. No one knows their time.

2. I never want to hear another suicide joke.
As somebody that has experienced depression, I cringe whenever I hear someone make dumb remarks such as, "Man, I'd rather kill myself than take that class." No you wouldn't. Any kind of "I'd rather kill myself than ____" is not funny. I see no purpose to making these statements. I cringed then, and I don't know how I'll react now. People that take their lives were suffering from an insurmountable amount of pain. They are constantly hurting, and they've hit a point where they feel like life can't get better and that they have no other way to end the pain. The pain is just too much for them to bare and they feel that they cannot keep going, so they end their lives way sooner than their lives should end, and all of the people in their lives are devastated. I know I'm hurting pretty bad right now, but I can't imagine how some of my other friends that were best friends with Paul feel, or how Paul's family feels. So you really want to keep making those jokes?

3. Take it easy on the Jesus stuff.
For those that know me or follow this blog, know that I am a very passionate Christian and probably are surprised by hearing me say this. But the truth is, Christians can do more harm than help when trying to comfort someone. I don't want to single anybody out, because this is a pretty common thing I've heard from people not just to me, but to others that are grieving the loss of a friend or a loved one. I'ts a modified version of Jeremiah 29:11, which reads "For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." I'll hear something along the lines of, "this is something out of our control, and it was a part of God's plan. God's got a greater plan and while we might not understand it now or ever, this is just a part of his plan." Wrong.

God does have plans for us if we choose to follow Him. But it never was God's plan for Paul to take his life. This whole spiel makes God sound like some kind of sadistic sicko. God NEVER wanted Paul to kill himself. That wasn't his plan. It's never his plan for something like that to happen. But we live in a broken world, and things like this do happen. That's not to say that God can't work in terrible circumstances (Romans 8:28- "And we know that in all things, God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose."), but God doesn't create those circumstances.

The last thing somebody that is mourning wants to hear is that it was a part of God's plan. It only makes you angry and if somebody isn't a Christian, it can really turn them off to Christianity for the reasons I've listed earlier. If you want to help somebody who is mourning, the best thing you can do is just be there for them, and be present. One of the things that has helped me the most is the encouragement and love I've received from friends. The people that just talk to me, and be with me, and will talk about whatever I need to talk about. Maybe we'll talk about something completely unrelated to Paul's passing, but if you want to help someone, the best thing you can do is offer them your friendship and prayer. Hearing that I have friends praying for me makes me feel loved. Perhaps you can send the person a Bible verse or two, but again, take it easy on that stuff. Let them come to grips with what they are dealing with, and if they want to talk about that stuff, they will.

4. It makes our other problems seem so small.
The previous things that had been burdening me completely faded away after hearing about the passing of Paul. We all have troubles. It's a part of life. But after working a twelve hour shift yesterday at my job, that was one of the hardest tasks I've ever had to do. Working when I'm feeling sick now seems incredibly easy. The daily problems I might have now feel like nothing. That's not to say that I won't still have little troubles, or that we should completely ignore those things. I like to ask my friends a lot how I can be praying for them. A lot of the time a response I'll get from people is "I'm good, thanks." Looking at things with this new perspective, I can completely understand why people might say that now. It's because they don't want to be a "prayer hog" and waste God's time on something that might not seem as important as other tragedies that are going on in the world today. We still should pray for the little things and we all have things that need to be prayed for, and you any time spent with God is never a waste. But I can at least understand it now.

I guess the main point here is that we might stress over smaller things, but we don't realize how good we have it. I am in good health, I have an amazing family and the greatest friends in the world. I am extremely blessed. Sometimes we just need to be grateful for the things we have, and look around and appreciate them while they're here, because we don't know when they might leave us.

5. There is a time to mourn. 
Going back to the Bible passage I discussed in point number one, there is a time for everything. There's a time to mourn. Losing a friend isn't the type of thing that you can just get over by watching Netflix, eating ice cream and hanging out with friends. No, it might not be a quick fix. I don't know how long it will take until things feel "normal" again, or if they ever will, because I've never coped with something like this before. But it's okay to be sad. A terrible thing has happened.

But the thing that has helped me the most is to take a moment and think about all the good times we had with Paul. One of my closest friends, who was also one of Paul's closest friends, came over on Sunday. We shared some of our favorite Paul memories. I went through and reread all my Facebook conversations I had with him and when I did both those things, I spent a lot of time laughing. One time when we played football, Paul was blocking me on the play. He certainly was stronger than me, and he decided to keep pushing me backwards, while making funny grunting noises. He was on a mission. He started blocking me further and further away from the play, meanwhile the whole time I was laughing. I probably could have maneuvered around him, but it was just too funny. He ended up blocking me in to the end zone, and then out of the end zone, even though there was no touchdown on the play. I can't do it justice in writing, you had to have seen it. Paul had a lot of funny moments like that when we played sports. One time he was at another friend's house, playing NHL on his Xbox, and he scored a goal. He got so excited that he chucked his controller against the wall. Paul had his funny, goofy moments like this that cannot be replicated in writing. But the more I look back on the good times we shared, and the funny things Paul did, the more I smile, laugh and appreciate those times. It still is a tragedy, and we are all still coping with the loss, but maybe these kind of stories can give us the laughter, happiness, and hope we need to get out of this tunnel of darkness. I'm happy that the good times happened, even though they had to come to a very abrupt ending. Thanks for all the memories Paul, we miss you so much.



PS I thought I would show a picture of a shirt that Paul created for one of our friends, Ian Feeney.

He truly was a great artist, and he was even working on a logo for Viva La Vita. Sadly we'll never see it. I may make a lot of friends and meet a lot of people in my life, but I will never meet another Paul Bucci. Rest in peace, my friend.

Top 10 Survivor Players of All-Time

Last week, robhasawebsite.com revealed the results of their top 20 players of Survivor poll. Listeners to the podcast were asked to fill out a ballot with their top 10, The votes were counted up on a point scale, and then we were given our results. While I forgot to vote, I thought this would be a good topic to write about in the Survivor off-season, as a passionate Survivor super-fan. In case you missed it, here is a list of the top 20:

20) Chris Daugherty (Winner Vanuatu)
19) Amanda Kimmel (Runner-up China, Micronesia; Heroes vs. Villains)
18) Tom Westman (Winner, Palau; Heroes vs. Villains)
17) Ozzy Lusth (Runner-up Cook Islands; Micronesia, South Pacific)
16) Brian Heidik (Winner Thailand)
15) Malcolm Freberg (Philippines, Caramoan)
14) John Cochran (South Pacific, Winner Caramoan)
13) Spencer Bledsoe (Cagayan)
12) Tyson Apostol (Tocantins, Heroes vs. Villains, Winner Blood vs. Water)
11) Yul Kwon (Winner Cook Islands)
10) Todd Herzog (Winner China)
9) Russell Hantz (Runner-up Samoa, Heroes vs. Villains; Redemption Island)
8) Tony Vlachos (Winner Cagayan)
7) Cirie Fields (Panama, Micronesia, Heroes vs. Villains)
6) Rob Cesternino (Amazon, All-Stars)
5) Richard Hatch (Winner Borneo; All-Stars)
4) Kim Spradlin (Winner One World)
3) Sandra Diaz-Twine (Winner Pearl Islands, Heroes vs. Villains)
2) "Boston" Rob Mariano (Marquesas, Runner-up All-Stars, Heroes vs. Villains, Winner Redemption Island)
1) Parvati Shallow (Cook Islands, Winner Micronesia, Runner-up Heroes vs. Villains)

So that's our top 20 players of Survivor. Or so they say. If you would like to see the full list, here it is.

I think there are a lot of things wrong with this list. I can't say that I spent an immense amount of time researching this, and picking a list of the top 10 is not an easy task. So here is my (subject to change) late ballot:

10) Ethan Zohn (Winner, Africa; Returned for Survivor: All-Stars)
Ethan needs to be on any top 10 Survivor players list. In the show's third season, Ethan proved that good guys don't always finish last and that there is an ethical way to win Survivor. Also, very few winners, if any, have done more good things outside of the game. Ethan has defeated cancer twice, and created the non-profit charitable organization Grassroot Soccer. He also returned in All-Stars and showed that he's more strategic and savvy than he was credited his first time out. While Ethan may not have made the merge in All-Stars, baring too big a target on his back, he has emerged not only a winner in the game of Survivor, but a winner in the game of life.

9) Chris Daugherty (Winner, Vanuatu)
Never has a winner had a better come-from-behind victory. Chris was all but gone at the final seven, when he was the only man remaining up against an all-female alliance of six. With his back against the wall, Chris turned the women against each other and flipped the game upside down. The underdog ended up winning in one of the craziest, least-expected ways. It's a shame Chris hasn't been asked back, but his cult following continues to grow and number 9 is a fair spot for him on this list.

8) Kim Spradlin (Winner, One World)
Another one-time player, but a one-time winner takes the next spot on our top ten list. Kim played one of the most dominant games in the history of the show. Kim did what Chris Daugherty kept women from doing in his season, and that was eliminating the men at the merge. Once she took out her biggest threat Troyzan, she created a pretty clear path for herself to the end by keeping everyone in check and making them think she was going to take them to the end. One by one, she sent them home, but she did it with a smile and didn't take too much heat from the jury and still won her season in a commanding fashion. While One World was one of my least favorite seasons of the show, and widely viewed as one of the worst, one good thing came of it: a great and deserving winner. Kim will probably get asked back to play again, and I'm really intrigued to see how she does if she accepts.

7) Tom Westman (Winner, Palau; Returned for Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains)
In baseball, if you keep all 27 batters you face in a game from reaching first base, you've thrown a perfect game. In Survivor, if there is any model for a perfect game, it's the game Tom Westman played. As the tribe leader, Tom's tribe never lost an immunity challenge and decimated the opposing tribe until their was only one sole contestant or "survivor" left. After the merge, Tom easily stayed in the majority, and won, playing an honest game with integrity. He was a rare triple-threat. A player who was a threat strategically, socially and physically. He was a challenge beast who even caught a shark for his tribe to eat.

6) Cirie Fields (Panama, Micronesia, Heroes vs. Villains)
Aside from being one of the most entertaining players and one of the best confessional-givers, Cirie is one of the best Survivor players ever. When Cirie first set foot on the beach in Panama, she was a fish out of water. She was afraid of leaves. Needless to say, she was far from an outdoors person. In both of her first two tries on the show, Cirie was on the outs. Other people had formed alliances at the very beginning and she was on the outside looking in. But both times, she somehow managed to make it to the end, and both times she came within a challenge win of being a champion. A brilliant social player, and a ruthless strategist, Cirie came so close to being a two-time winner. Unfortunately, her tribemates on the Heroes tribe were smart enough to get rid of her at the beginning, and keep her from going on another run. It truly is unfortunate that Cirie isn't a winner, but she is entirely deserving of being the second greatest female player in the show's history, in my opinion.

5) Rob Cesternino (Amazon, All-Stars)
"The Rob that sucks" might not quite be up to the skill-level of Boston Rob Mariano. But he did earn himself from Jeff Probst, who once called him "the smartest/best player to never win", and revolutionized the game. Watching Rob play both sides in one of the best seasons of all-time was something spectacular. What he did had never been done before. Rob's ability to adapt to whatever was thrown his way made him a very special player. Jenna Morasca is a great winner, and one of my favorite people to play Survivor, but with all do respect to her, Rob was the best player on his season. It was hard to watch him come so close. It was even harder to watch Rob have his hopes and dreams crushed early on in All-Stars. But ignore what happened on that season. Rob had too big a target, and players such as him and Richard Hatch had no realistic chance at getting anywhere close to the merge in that game. Cirie and Rob are very similar players and while Cirie has mastered her way to the final four twice, Rob did it first, and I think his first game was more impressive than either of Cirie's first two tries. Sorry Cirie, but for those reasons, Rob C gets the nod as a top 5 Survivor player of all-time.

4) Brian Heidik (Winner, Thailand)
Say what you want about Brian Heidik's life outside of the game of Survivor. But in the game of Survivor, Brian Heidik played one of the most impressive games we have ever seen. Never before had anyone been able to fake a personality for an entire season, and it hasn't happened since. Brian put on a front as a good guy, and thrived socially. But on the inside, Brian was a cold-blooded killer and one of the most despicable villains. His ability to keep his composure and stay cool about whatever was happening impressed many, including myself. "The Iceman" was also a triple-threat and a beast in the challenges. If Brian were to have played again in All-Stars or Fans vs. Favorites, he would have likely been the first boot. Anybody that has seen him play would not let him stay a day on the island. However, if he never went on Thailand, and had played on a different season instead, I think he would repeat his success. If he was brought back to play again now, he might actually go deep in the game because a lot of newer players might not know anything about him. These are all hypothetical situations, as there's no chance in the world that CBS brings him back. Heidik earns the highest spot from a player that hasn't played more than once.

3) Richard Hatch (Winner, Borneo; Returned for Survivor: All-Stars)
Richard Hatch is probably the most polarizing player to be on this list. For years, I was in the school of thought that he wasn't that great. Many argue that he was a man among boys playing on the first ever season of Survivor and that he was the only real player on his season. But that's not the case. I rewatched Borneo last summer and realized something. Everybody that played on that season was playing the game. There were 16 different ways to play Survivor. Richard's way got him to the end, and garnered four votes from the jury to win. People decided that since this one the game, this is the necessary blueprint for any player on any season. Nowadays, you have no shot of getting anywhere without an alliance. Richard invented that concept, and players in future seasons tried to replicate his success. As mentioned earlier, on All-Stars, Hatch had absolutely no shot of getting anywhere. Everyone wanted to dethrone the king of Survivor. At this point, after 28 seasons of Survivor, there have been so many people that are threats on the show, that it would be interesting to bring back people like Hatch, Cesternino, Heidik, and more and see what would happen. It's a darn shame that Hatch was still under house arrest when Heroes vs. Villains was shooting, because he would have been a great addition to the cast. I bet Hatch will play again by the time it's all said and done, but even if he doesn't, he has earned his spot in the Survivor Hall of Fame by being an inventor and making the game what it is.

2) "Boston" Rob Mariano (Marquesas, Runner-up All-Stars; Heroes vs. Villains, Winner Redemption Island)
I'll never forget watching the first episode of Survivor: Marquesas back in 2002. I remember Sarah Jones floating on the raft while her tribemates rowed, and Sean Rector calling her Cleopatra. And I remember a 25 year-old kid with a thick Boston accent making my parents and I laugh whenever he was on screen. From the second we saw Boston Rob, we loved him. While "The Robfather" was voted out right at the merge, he changed the season. He showed all the people on the bottom that they were on the bottom, and after he was booted, those people flipped the game upside down. That was the first time in the show's history where one tribe didn't pick off the other tribe one-by-one. On his second time out, Rob played an aggressive, angry game. He was a man on a mission. He got all the way to the end, but offended too many and quite frankly treated some of the people he put on the jury like garbage. Some argue that he should have still won this season, but I disagree. He still made history by having the first showmance that led to marriage and he and Amber now have four daughters. In his third try, Rob learned from his mistakes. He had a lot more patience, and had a much better social game. He positioned himself perfectly, however what I call "the worst move in the history of the show" was made by Tyson and spoiled his season. Finally, Rob got his win on Redemption Island, where he dominated the game unlike any other. While it may not have been a flawless game like Tom Westman's, it was a brilliantly executed strategic game. Each time Rob played, he elevated his game to a whole 'nother level. He has become the most-feared player in the show's history. But Boston Rob might even be a more polarizing player than Richard Hatch. Many will point to his failures on the show and say he's overrated and that it's lame that it took him four tries to finally win. But I disagree with them. There's a lot of luck that's involved in Survivor. There are a lot of things that are not in your control. Rob had really bad luck two of the times he played. We could play the what-if game, but there wasn't too much that he could have done differently that would have changed his fate. His other two times playing the game, he went to the finals. He was one vote away from being a two-time winner. One of my favorite things with watching Rob play is watching him grow up and like I said before, how he improved himself each time he played. He adjusted himself and was able to adapt to whatever came his way. We all watched him grow up while he played. I think a guy like Malcolm Freberg could become the next Boston Rob. He has the same kind of skill-set and could become a legend with some age and more experience. Some players that have played with "BR" have also seemed to improve after playing with them (take a look at Tyson, Andrea, Coach, and dare I say Phillip). Rob is also in my opinion the greatest challenge competitor ever, however there's still one player better than him in my book.

1) Sandra Diaz-Twine (Only 2x Winner, Pearl Islands, Heroes vs. Villains)
There's no way that anybody can top Sandra in any type of best Survivor players argument. Sandra has played twice. She has also won twice. She is the only player to win more than once, and not only that but she's got a 1.000 winning percentage in her time on the show. That's unbelievable! Trash her social game all you want. She may be a big talker, but it hasn't made her lose votes. I get mad when people try to take away from her win in Heroes vs. Villains. She tried so hard to get the Heroes to flip the game and take Russell out, but nobody would budge. So she did the next best thing, got to the end, and said "see?". The other thing Sandra will get trashed for is that she's not good challenges. That hasn't gotten her voted out before the merge and when she's gotten to the merge, that's something that can work to help you because nobody is taking you as a threat. Sandra is a bonafide boss when it comes to the game of Survivor. I have no idea if she will ever play again and how that would shake out. I could really see it going either way with her. She could get targeted because she's the best player ever, the only two-time winner, and a bunch of selfish players could try to take her out to kill all the hype surrounding her (much like Richard Hatch). Or she could be overlooked yet again, and go for a three-peat. I don't know, but whatever were to happen if she played again, I don't think she could do much to actually hurt her spot as the best player ever. By winning and making another great run, she could solidify it, even if it means losing in the final five and no longer having a 1.000 win percentage. Unless she did something very costly and did something outrageously dumb, she would keep her spot as the best player ever. The only way for there to be a discussion over who's better than Sandra is if somebody else wins again. And even then, that person might have already lost in a previous attempt, or it could be somebody playing an all-winner season where a winner is bound to win, both would leave a wrinkle on that player's case. It's a mystery if Sandra will keep her spot as the best player ever when it's all said and done, but if you were pointing a gun to my head, I'd say that no one will top her.


So that's my list! I'm sure there will be some outcry from the Parvati and Russell fans, but hey, I'd love to hear your case for why they should be on this list. Leave a comment below, tweet me @vellvita7 or hit me up on our Facebook fan page!

Poetry: Changes

Something I like to do as a blogger and an aspiring journalist is to push myself to try new things. Try to step my game up. Kind of like how Kobe Bryant, a perimeter, spent the summer after the Lakers won a title in 2009 working on his low-post game with a Hall of Famer and a top 5 big man of all-time in Hakeem Olajuwon. I tried my best to try to make that last sentence make sense to people that don't follow sports, but I probably still failed. Oh well. Anyway, I want to add more weaponry to my arsenal. I want to try new things, acquire new skills, and test myself for my own good. Who knows what might come out of it? Anyway, I recently have taken an interest in writing poetry. Poetry is a great way to take the thoughts you can't get out of your head, put them in to paper, and hopefully make them sound beautiful.

Something that I always struggle with is change. I never want things to change, and I always miss the way my life used to be, instead of being grateful for the life I currently have. A couple nights ago I wrote a poem called "Changes". I have no idea how good it is or how I did. Maybe it sucked. But I would love to get some feedback on this poem, as well as the blog. Would you like to see more poetry on here? What do you guys want to see? Here it goes:

Changes

Why can't I ever take my mind off the past?
The greatest times of my life will never last.
Sometimes it feels like I've hit my peak
And that I will never go on another winning streak.
As much as I might win, I have also lost
Because growing and having new experiences comes with a cost.
Moving out of the old and into the new
Oftentimes has me feeling very blue.
Sometimes I wish I could have it all back
My friends, my high school, my hometown, and nothing to pack.

But that's not my ultimate goal
Instead it's for God to purify my soul.
See this world is just a temporary place.
Life's going to change, it's a part of the race.
But while life will come with its alterations
One thing that will never need a modification is my salvation.
God has called me "MINE"
Long before he turned water to wine.
He's told me that he has a plan
A plan far too great for myself, a fallen man.

While it may be hard to say goodbyes and to let go
God's got better things for me, better than what I know.
So when I start getting sentimental
I need to remember that this skin and bones is only a rental.
When it's all said and done,
My Heavenly father will call me his son.
Life will come with it's changes and scares
But there's comfort in knowing God will never change, he loves you and he still cares.

22 Jump Street Movie Review

The wait is over! 22 Jump Street, the sequel to the hit movie-based-on-an-80's-show 21 Jump Street is now in theaters, and I caught it with my buddies on opening night. Going in to this movie, I didn't have very high expectations. It's tough for a sequel to replicate the success that it had in its first movie. So while I was very excited to see this, I didn't want to get my hopes too high. In addition to that, I didn't want to watch too many commercials or trailers before seeing it. Sometimes the funniest parts in movies are ruined by the overplay of ads they have of those lines/scenes. Sometimes its just best going in to a movie knowing nothing about it, and aside from the first red band trailer, and aside from the commercials they showed on TV,  I knew nothing about this movie.

First and foremost, this movie is hilarious. It's just as funny as 21 Jump Street, if not funnier. I think this movie also makes better use of Ice Cube. Ice Cube's hilarious in this one and some of the films best moments include him. These guys are funny and they have good chemistry together. The movie makes self-deprecating comments about itself just like it did in the last one. It knows what it is. The best of these comments is a diss of Channing Tatum's White House Down, which was released last summer. Keep your ears open for that. I won't spoil any other funny moments, because what fun would that be? This movie also has some good and funny references to the first one.

Okay, now going outside of the comedy rating, there are some other things that need to be talked about. For example, the fact that this is exactly the same movie as the first one, except instead of being high school students, they are now college students. Look, I loved the college premise. And I think this movie is a lot of fun. But it could be even more fun if they had done some newer stuff with it. What people hated so much about The Hangover: Part II was the fact that it was the same exact movie as the first one. This movie does the same exact thing, however it seems like people are giving 22 Jump Street a pass. Now, there are worse things that a movie can do, but I think that this should be addressed. 

A rather common thing in buddy-cop films, or movies or shows that feature two male lead characters is that they sometimes play up the whole "bromance" thing and parody a romance or a couple. In this movie, they hit you over the head with this. And while it has a couple funny moments, you just get sick of it because its cliche and not funny. It wears out its welcome pretty fast. It's just unoriginal and disappointing because I know these writers are capable of coming up with something better. 

My last problem with the film is mainly the fact that the commercials gave away too much. With it being the same movie as the last one and seeing the commercials on TV, it lost its element of unpredictability and that took away some of the fun of it. It also ruined some funny jokes. So if you haven't seen any commercials for this movie, I urge you not to before seeing it, and you will likely enjoy it more than people that did see the commercials.

Despite the things that irked me a bit with this movie, I did like this movie. While it may not be as good as the first one, I am likely going to watch this several more times before I'm out of college. It is a hilarious movie and it was fun. Also, the last 5 minutes of the movie (the credits scene) are the funniest of the film. They made an effort of not having to make another sequel (which they totally still can if they want to squeeze out more cash and it could happen) and it features a cameo. I won't say anything else about it, except make sure you stay in your seat when the film ends because you will not want to miss this. In terms of humor, I don't know which of the two movies is funnier, but the fact that I don't know tells you that this one is dang funny. I just only wish that they would have done more with this film's potential. 7/10.

Bleeding Blue and Red: A Tribute to the Chicago Cubs

"You just don't understand." That is a phrase I have found myself saying over and over again, when it comes to my love for the Chicago Cubs. Being from the North Shore of Chicago and being at a school in Wisconsin, I haven't met many passionate, loyal, die-hard Cubs fans. A lot of people have asked me why do I love a franchise so much that hasn't won a World Series since 1908. A lot of people were asking me in the off-season, why I was itching to get back to Wrigley Field so bad.

Every sports fan has that one team. That one team that means the world to them. That one team, that is bigger than sports to them.

Something about living in Wisconsin for the past six months, is that I have witnessed firsthand the all-consuming love people of Wisconsin have for their Green Bay Packers. A lot of my friends here are very passionate about their Packers. All of them will tell you that the Packers are their favorite team in all sports.  For many, it is something that has been passed down to them.

These Packers fans are crazy. They spend their Sundays decked out in Packers' gear- in fact, you'll see many people at church wearing Packers jerseys. Something I've noticed about Packers fans is that they only like one NFL team, and that team plays in Green Bay. They don't like any other teams in the league. If they're watching games with other teams playing, they'll be very casually rooting for the team between the two that they hate less. Packers fans hate the Bears, Vikings, and Lions, and the newest victim of their resentment is the San Francisco 49ers, who has beaten their beloved team in the playoffs the last two years.

In addition to cheese, they eat, sleep and breathe Green Bay Packer football. I really can't do these fans justice by just writing about them. You have to encounter them firsthand, and you will see that they are one of the best fan bases in all of sports.

Now, I can't share that same love for the Packers. I watch a Packers game, and I think, "man, I really hope they lose this one so the Bears can climb higher in the standings." I like watching Aaron Rodgers play, and I'll admit that there are a few guys I like on the team. For example, over the past couple of years of my life I have been very involved in a Christian para-church organization, called "Young Life." Aaron Rodgers did Young Life in high school, and wide receiver Jordy Nelson donated $100 to YL for every catch he made during the 2013 season. There are a couple of guys on the team that I like as people, but on Sundays, I'm not rooting for the Packers. I'm hoping they lose.

While I can't say that I share the same love for the Packers that Packers fans do, I can say that I can relate to them. Because, I have the same kind of love for a sports team myself. And that team is the Chicago Cubs.

"Why do you love the Cubs so much if they just continuously break your heart? They haven't won the World Series in 105 years! They're never going to win a World Series! So why waste your time with them?" I hear these remarks far too often. And I always go back to, "you simply don't understand." Every sports fan has that one team.

Every sports fan has that one team, but there's something different about the Cubs. No other fan base has had to wait this long to see their team win. You could point to a team like the Tampa Bay Rays and say "well they've never won a World Series, period." True, but the Rays are a young franchise. They didn't exist until 1998. They have accomplished a lot over the course of their first 15 years as a competitor, and they have gone deep in to the playoffs several times.

But for the Cubs, suffering is a theme. Every generation of fans has seen some kind of disappointment from the Cubs. For my parents, it's been the fall of the '69 Cubs, the June Swoon of 77-79, the heartbreak of 84, another heartbreak in 89, and more disappointment in 1998.

In my time as a Cubs fan, I've witnessed the collapse of the 2003 and 2004 Cubs, and then disappointments in 2007 and 2008. And we haven't made the playoffs since.

In the movie Fever Pitch, Jimmy Fallon plays a crazy-obsessed Red Sox fan during the 2004 season. (Fun fact: they were filming the movie while the season was going on, and once the Red Sox were down 0-3 to the Yankees in the A.L.C.S., they had planned for the film to end with the Sox losing, and Jimmy's character learning something from the loss. Once the Red Sox came back and won it all, they had to change the plot on the fly.) In one scene, Jimmy is talking to a kid, and the kid says, "When was the last time the Boston Red Sox loved you back?" This question applies to Cubs fans. When was the last time the Cubs ever loved me back?

Now I am going to explain what people don't understand. Both of my parents grew up as North-Siders. My mom grew up on Sheridan Road in Winnetka while my dad grew up in an Italian neighborhood on the north side of the city. Both of my parents grew up Cubs fans.

My mom marveled at the teams of the 60's that featured hall of famers Billy Williams, Ernie Banks, and the iconic, heel-clicking Ron Santo. When my dad was a kid, he would rush home after school to catch the end of Cubs games. And when he was old enough, he would spend his summers at Wrigley Field. They used to have a deal at Wrigley where if you helped clean up the park after the game, you would get a free ticket to the game the next day. So my dad would spend his summers at Wrigley. Whenever the Cubs were at home, he was at Wrigley.

When I was old enough, my dad started taking me to Wrigley. Every Cubs game I would go to was special. I have gone to so many that I cannot remember each specific game. But when I was in elementary school, I would often go downtown with my dad in the morning and go to work with him. He would buy me candy and sports magazines to read, and then let me sit in one of the conference rooms where I could watch two big screen TVs. I normally would watch the ESPN show Cold Pizza, which is now today known as ESPN First Take (trust me guys, it was a much better show ten years ago!). Once my dad was free to leave work, sometimes we would go out to lunch somewhere before going to Wrigley. My favorite place was Giardano's. Great Chicago deep-dish pizza not far from my dad's building. After lunch we would take the L over to Wrigley and watch the game. If we didn't go out to lunch before, we would get hot dogs at the park.

Something about baseball is it has the most father-son feel, than any other sport, epitomized by spending hours together taking batting practice, hitting grounders, and playing catch. Driving to Cooperstown to visit the Hall of Fame with your dad is a must. Going to a baseball game with your dad just feels right. And girls love Wrigley too! Oftentimes my sister will get asked to go to Cubs games with her friends, because her friends know she loves the Cubs, cares about the team, and loves going to Wrigley Field more than their other friends. There are fans like my sister all around the city.

When you walk in to Wrigley, it's different than walking in to the United Center for a Bulls game. When you walk in to Wrigley and see the freshly cut grass, and the beautiful ivy on the outfield wall, you feel like you have reached baseball salvation. Sure, it might not be the newest ballpark. And yes, there might be a horse trough where urinals should be in the men's bathroom. The park might also be filled with many drunk people. But there's still something special about it all.

To me, Wrigley Field is a home. It's where my dad grew up, and it was a huge part of my childhood. The fans you sit next to are your brothers and sisters. You all share this common bond. You all share this deep, emotional connection with the team. You'll find yourself high-fiving and hugging the fans next to you after home runs, and double-plays.

No matter how good the team is, or what the outcome of the game is, you'll never regret going to a Cubs game. You'll have a blast singing "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" with famous longtime Cubs fans like Jim Belushi, Bill Murray, and Jeff Garlin, watching drunk middle-aged men dancing the "YMCA", and celebrating a Cubs victory by singing "Go Cubs Go" with 40,000 fellow Cubs fans.

As much as we love our Cubbies, it hurts that much to see them lose. We thought we were going all the way in 2007 and 2008. We were swept both years. And don't even get me started on 2003. White Sox fans like to make fun of us Cubs fans and give us a hard time because they ended their World Series drought in 2005 and we have yet to do so. We have been laughed at and mocked. But one day, after years of heartache and heartbreak, the Cubs will win it all. And when it happens, it will be the greatest sports story ever told. For 86 years, Red Sox fans were in the same situation that we are in. For 87 years, White Sox fans knew how we feel. If they can conquer their demons and win, why can't we? Theo's got us on the right track, and when the Cubs win it all it will be the most meaningful championship to a fan base.

And if you say the Cubs will never win the World Series, my friend Krystal points out that in Back to the Future 2 the Cubs win the World Series in the year 2015. So it has to happen soon, right?

Switchfoot's Fading West Album Review

I know a lot of people have been waiting for this one for a really long time. I promised the readers of Viva La Vita this review about a year ago, when I did my only other album review, Relient K's Collapsible Lung. Since writing that, I have liked the album a little more. I was a little too harsh. I originally gave it a 4 or a 5 but I think it's more in the 6-7 range. Still not great, though.

Relient K and Switchfoot have been my two favorite bands since middle school. You could play any of either bands' songs, and I will likely recognize it and know the title within the first ten seconds, sometimes, the first three seconds. Needless to say, I was really excited for this Switchfoot album. It was originally slated to come out last summer, so I was expecting a bit of a "summer" sound to it, which also had me thrilled. After finishing up their first Fading West tour and releasing a Fading West movie (which I loved!), a couple weeks in to the new year their Fading West album was released.

Because the album was delayed, the band decided to release an 3-song Fading West EP in the fall, to give the fans something as they waited. The EP included "Love Alone is Worth the Fight," "Who We Are," and "Ba55." Knowing these songs for a solid three months or so before the rest of the songs were released, my initial focus was on the other songs. But now that I have been able to digest this whole album, I'm ready to give it a full review. So let's have a go.

The first song, "Love Alone is Worth the Fight" is probably the most popular song off this record. I have heard it on K-Love radio. It's a very good song and I love the lyrics. It's kind of the sequel to "The Sound (John M. Perkins' Blues)" off the 2009 Hello Hurricane album that suggests, "our love is the final fight." It's catchy and fun. You'll find yourself humming it after hearing it only once or twice.

While I love "Love Alone is Worth the Fight", I actually think "Who We Are" is better. I have also heard "Who We Are" on the radio, so it's gained popularity as well. If "Love Alone is Worth the Fight" is the sequel to "The Sound", "Who We Are" is the sequel to "Dark Horses"; a song about kids who believe and are going to give it all they got in life. In short, great song.

"When We Come Alive" is another fun song. It fits perfectly behind "Who We Are" on the track listing. I had the great pleasure of seeing Switchfoot play a show at The Rave in Milwaukee, and Jon Foreman went in to the crowd while singing this song (I touched him!). A sea of fans waved their arms to the rhythm and it was a heavenly experience.

So after three great songs to start the album, I think it then dips a little bit. I don't know how to put it, because I don't want to sound like I dislike these next songs. But three of the next four songs aren't as inventive or innovative as many of the other songs on the track. I am speaking mainly of track four, "Say It Like You Mean It". This sounds kind of similar to "The Original" off the Vice Verses album. They played this song at the concert, and it was a fun one to jam to, but I would have preferred to hear one of my favorite songs on this album that was left off the set, or one of their older songs from a past record. It's not a bad song, it just isn't my favorite.

"The World You Want" is a great one. Much like "The Shadow Proves the Sunshine" off the Nothing is Sound album, it was inspired by South African children, and what I think is really cool about this song is the fact that they actually recorded it with these South African children. "The World You Want" is deep, thought-provoking and catchy.

"Slipping Away" is an alright song. It's in a similar boat as "Say It You Like It Mean It". Neither of these songs were needed. They're alright filler-songs, but there were a couple songs left off the album I like better. "What It Costs", which was written by Tim Foreman and was shown in the Fading West did not make the album, and I absolutely loved that song. Sadly, there is no place to find a full version of the song to listen to. The title track "Fading West" is also great but it was left off. It came as a bonus in the Switchfoot Christmas package, which has become a regular gift for me each December. Perhaps these songs might not have fit in with the rest of the album, or they couldn't find the right place to stick 'em on in the track order. "Slipping Away" is decent, and I think it fits the movie soundtrack very well. The scene the song is featured in is perfect. The song's alright, but if you're going to put on some Switchfoot, it's not going to be one of the first songs you will automatically go to.

What I'm about to say next could offend some people. I think "BA55" is overrated. It's a good song, but I don't think it's one of the top songs on this record. It's got a nice guitar riff in it and it is kind of relaxing and chill. But I think there are a fair amount of songs on this record that are better than it. Just about every album has 1-3 songs that will become "a must" at every concert. Which means that when they are touring in a few years, there will be a song or songs, from an album that they will need to play to satisfy people at each show (Why "Oh! Gravity. is not one of these songs is still a mystery to me). My point though, is that if I'm at a show in a few years, and this song gets the nod over "Love Alone is Worth the Fight", "Who We Are", "When We Come Alive", "The World You Want", "Let It Out", "Back to the Beginning Again" or "Saltwater Heart", I will be very disappointed. Maybe this one will grow on me, and I'll understand what all the hoopla is all about, but as for me it's just another Switchfoot song (which isn't a bad place to be in) to me.

Perhaps the next song on this record is the best. "Let It Out" is a windows-down, cruising-around-with-your-buddies-in-the-summer, kind of song. It's an absolute blast. It's a lot of fun and when it got played at the concert, my friends and I went wild. A month later, we were sitting in Applebee's and couldn't help but get giddy hearing it played over the speakers. We had hope that this could become a top 40 hit summer song. That summer sound I was talking about is captured perfectly in this song. I also love the dynamics of bringing the tempo down, slowing down the song, and then coming right back with the exciting "LET IT OUT!" scream.

"All Or Nothing At All" is another good one. I love the beat. I like the lyrics a lot too. It's a good song about how God doesn't want us to be "lukewarm." He wants all of us or none of us. He doesn't want us to be iffy, just like love. You don't want to marry somebody that "sorta" loves you and then goes around and sleeps around and cheats on you with other people. You want to be with someone that gives you all of them. This doubles as a great song about romantic love and God's great love for his children.

"Saltwater Heart" is a popular one on this record. As it should be. Another great song about God's love for us and his relationship with us and the freedom that is found in Christ. The other great thing about the song is it sounds like it's title. It sounds like the ocean. That is very evident at the end of the song.

"Back to the Beginning Again" is a perfect way to close out to this album. It's epic. I love the lyrics, and as I re-listened to this album to write this album review, I saw that this is my top-played song from the album on my iTunes. It sounds like the perfect cross between Hello Hurricane, Nothing is Sound, and Learning to Breathe. Which reminds me..

This album does have a bit of that Hello Hurricane sound to it. People that liked Hello Hurricane, are also going to like this album. While it's similar to Hello Hurricane, it's also different. It's new. What I love about Switchfoot, is that they change up stuff and try new things. Nine albums later and they're still impressing me. They aren't running out of ideas. They're just as good as they were eleven years ago when they broke out with their Beautiful Letdown album. I might have been a little tough on some of the songs I reviewed. I might have called songs "overrated" or just average. But an average Switchfoot song in my opinion is better than an average song by most others bands!

Going back to the "must" at concerts question I brought up earlier. When me and my buddies saw them play a couple months ago, a couple of us made signs requesting some of our favorite songs by them that we knew otherwise wouldn't get played. My pick was "Faust, Midas, and Myself" and his was "Easier than Love." Jon Foreman pointed at our signs and smiled throughout the show as we raised them up in between songs, in hopes that he would actually play one. He even looked the "Easier than Love" sign and said "I don't know how to play that song anymore." I don't doubt that. Sadly neither of these great songs are "musts" from their albums. They've slipped through the cracks.

 What songs from this album do I think are a must, if I could only choose three? I think you've got to have "Let It Out." It's too fun. You can't not have it. "Who We are" would get the nod from me, so that's two. The last one is tricky. "Back to the Beginning Again" would be a great song to close a show with, but they will never close with a song other than "Where I Belong." The guys have said that they want that to be the last song they ever play. And rightfully so. It's a beautiful, top 10 Switchfoot song. They didn't play "Back to the Beginning Again" when I saw them, and it is tough to picture that song be played and it not being the closing song. Maybe it could work as the last song before they do an encore. I don't know. But I'm over-thinking it. Sorry "Love Alone is Worth the Fight", but I'm going with "Back to the Beginning Again" here. For concerts I like songs with high-energy, and this song is exactly that. However, if I had to tell you what songs will ACTUALLY be the "musts" in a few years, "Love Alone is Worth the Fight" would be number one, "Who We Are" would be number two, and "Let it Out"/"BA55" will be number three. And if "BA55" is a "must", in three or four years my friend Mike and I will be holding signs that say "Back to the Beginning Again" and "Let It Out". But I guess those are the problems you have--too many good songs--when you have a good album.

So how good is this album? I'm not going to say it's the best thing they have ever made. I have a lot of difficulty picking a favorite of the Switchfoot albums because they're all so special in their own way. They are all good. And the streak of good albums continues with this gem. If you were to put a gun to my head and I had to give it a rating of 1-10, I'd probably go with an 8.5. It's not perfect, but it's a good, fun album. Honestly, I can't wait for the next album they will eventually release! I want to hear those songs that didn't make the Fading West cut. I'm also interested in seeing what kind of direction they go in. This album was a little bit more on the pop-side of rock. It was a fun change-up. Because of that, some people don't like it as much or aren't crazy about it. But I really like it. 8.5.

So how did you like the album? What are your "musts" at a Switchfoot concert? I would love to hear your thoughts on Fading West! Comment below or check our Facebook fan page. Or you can tweet me your thoughts @vellvita7!

Carthage: The Year That Was

It's been almost three months since I last posted a blog, and that my friends is too long. The second half of my second semester was, in one word, hectic. But now it's the summertime, and my to-do list looks like something out of Spongebob:

And since there is nothing going on right now, it is a perfect time for me to try to get myself back in to blog-writing shape. So here we are. And I couldn't think of a better blog to write my first time back than to reflect on the past year of my life. Look at my experiences I have had over the past year, being away at college for the first time, and how that has molded me, grown me, and matured me. Just a warning, this is going to be a longer-than-normal blog. There's a lot to talk about here, and there is no need to glaze over some important parts of the year! So grab your favorite beverage, sit back, and enjoy. And without any further ado, here is a month-by-month breakdown of what went through my head since last September.

A New Beginning (September)

I arrive at Carthage College on September 1. I cry when I say goodbye to my parents (I'm a big softy) and that seems to be the theme my first month at school. In my first few days, I felt like I experienced some social rejection. I put myself out there to try to meet people, and it didn't feel like people wanted to be my friend. This was new to me. I don't want to say that I always excel socially, but friendships and relationships have always tended to be one of my stronger suits. Actually, what made it the hardest for me to leave high school and to start college was the fact that my senior year was so great socially. My senior year at New Trier High School was the best year of my life, and in that year, I made an abundance of friends. It was really hard for me to leave that and move on. Some of the best and closest friends that I have now are people I didn't get to know until my senior year. Ultimately, my friends from home were crucial to me at this time. I needed their support to help me keep going, and at many times I wanted to quit and give up, but I knew that wasn't what God wanted for me, and when I was at my low moments, I had my friends there for me to help me. They talked sense in to me and encouraged me to keep going. I struggled with a lot of homesickness, missing both my friends and my family. I spent many nights alone by myself in my room and at this time, I really grew a ton spiritually. I started to carry my Bible around with me in my backpack so that I could read it whenever I wanted or needed to do during the day. I had to rely on God to get me through every day. This proved to be a spiritual feast for me and while things were difficult on the outside, I was feeling so much joy on the inside. 

Rock Bottom (ROctober)

My first month of school finally was over. I was one month closer to seeing all my buddies at Thanksgiving and Christmas break. I had been making some friends, and there were a few people at school that I felt like I could rely on. One of the toughest things when you start college is that you want to have those close friendships that you have built up with your friends over years together. You want to have inside jokes. But it takes a little bit for those bonds to build up. I had a few people who were beginning to be like that for me. This was important, because it was around this point where I started to hit a wall. My homesickness was building up and getting worse. Around this time, I had begun writing for the Carthage school newspaper, as a blogger. I won't go in to detail, but after a few weeks I was let go from writing for the paper. This absolutely crushed me and devastated me. My dream is to be a writer, and when I got fired, I started to think that I wasn't good enough. I started to think that I would never be good enough. It seemed like every time I would start having something go my way, something bad would hit me. And this crushed me. Throughout these first two months, I had a lot of times where things got hard, and I tried to use them as an excuse for why I wasn't doing well academically. When things got hard, instead of being persistent, I just hid. And when I got fired, I started to just give up. At this point, I was over Carthage. I was done.

The other significant thing that happened in October was when I came home for my high school's homecoming weekend. I came home six weeks after coming to school. It was my first time returning after leaving, and it was something very special. I had a blast seeing my old friends, and seeing my family. But when it was time to go back to school, I was feeling down in the dumps. I didn't want to leave. I just missed the days when my friends and I were all in the same place, doing life together. Change has always been something that is very hard for me.

In October, I hit a breaking point. And I didn't think I could keep going. But like I said earlier, the love and support I had from my friends, as well as my faith pushed me to keep going, even when I thought I couldn't.

A New Hope (November)

I apologize that this title has the same name as a Star Wars film, but it's the best name I could come up with. In November, I started to feel like I finally had found my niche. I felt like I finally had my group; my boys. November is also the month where one of my craziest and most fun days took place in. Three of my buddies and I took a day trip to Devil's Lake, Wisconsin for a day of fun, hiking, and exploring. On our way back, our car broke down in Madison and we were stranded in Madison for five hours until one of our friends was able to pick us up and take us back to school. This day was a fun adventure. Around this time, I started to get grade reports and realize where my grades were at. I was getting all D's. I was starting to feel very guilty. My parents had paid all this money for me to go and get an education, and I was barely putting in any effort to succeed. My attitude started to change. I started to put in the work. I started to have fun, and enjoy myself a bit at school.

When I went home for Thanksgiving break, I decided to talk to a post-high school counselor about transferring to a new school. We made a list of about fifteen schools or so for me to research. I had a blast on Thanksgiving break, but once again when I came back to school I was feeling blue.

Disappointment (December)

Over the last month of the semester, I started to change as a student. I started to commit myself to the work. When it came to improving grades, however, it was too little, too late. In my communications class, I was able to pull my grade up from a D to a B-. But in my other two classes, I still finished with D's. I was so disappointed in myself. The reason why I didn't succeed wasn't because I tried and failed. It's because for the first two months, I didn't try.

The Up and Up (January, J-Term)

Going back to school in January, I had so much running through my head. Carthage was really the last place I wanted to be. I couldn't wait for summer. And all I wanted to do was transfer to a bigger, D1 school. I had had another great break when I was at home. I saw many friends that I hadn't seen since high school. The toughest thing that I have been trying to overcome this year is living in my past. When I went back to Carthage, I knew that this could potentially be my last semester at the school. So I decided that this time around, I was going to make the most of it and to go out with a bang. Also, I wanted this semester to be different. I want to thrive, not just survive. My first two weeks of J-term, I was once again at a very low time. Something that had me low was the fact that I had to go back to school early before a lot of my friends. I just wanted to be back home and I was angry that I had to be at school. But towards the end of J-term, my Carthage friends and I started doing something that got me "in to" Carthage. My friends and I started painting our chests and doing chants at the school basketball games. I had a blast doing "paint crew" and I started to have a little bit of school spirit.

During J-Term, I felt very motivated. I was retaking a class, in hopes of bringing up my grade so that I could transfer in the fall. I got an A- in the class, which was my first A since sophomore year of high school. Suddenly, things were starting to look up for me. Things were starting to go my way. I was actually really excited to start the new semester.

Exclusion, Illness, and a Heavy Workload (February-Mid March)
The first couple weeks of the new semester were going well. I was having fun doing paint crew, making trips to McDonald's at midnight and one in the morning with my buddy Dustin, and working hard and doing well in my classes. I even was starting to write more on this blog. I wrote a blog taking a look back at the past year and at the end of it, I said something along the lines of, "I've had to overcome a lot of adversity in 2013, but it helped me grow immensely. I would love for 2014 to be the most fun year ever, but if it means having to go through new trials and let God help me grow in them, then I'm cool with that, because I know it will be worth it."

The next day after I wrote this, I got word that I did not get a bid in to the fraternity that all my best friends were in. I was crushed. The first semester, I felt really left out when my friends would go to mixers and formals. I just felt on the outs and I was bummed that I couldn't go with them. But I had a handful of friends who also were not in the fraternity. Well, all those friends received bids to join the frat in this semester, but I did not. This was the only frat I tried to join. It also felt worse this time because I was specifically left out. The frat didn't want me. Not long after getting denied, I looked to a verse:

"Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people?If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ."
-Galatians 1:10

This really comforted me. It helped me realize that my job isn't to impress people, and all that matters is what God thinks of me. But still, it hurt. And I started to hold a lot of anger towards the frat. Anger, that quite honestly, I still haven't fully gotten over.

This was something that started to take my focus off of school. What might have been even worse was the fact that I started to get sick a lot. I would get sick, and then two weeks later, I would get sick again. I missed way more class than I had intended to miss. But still, I knew that these weren't valid excuses. I couldn't retreat to my old ways of dealing with adversity. I needed to give it my dang all.

In this time, I also started applying to transfer to other schools. I did five applications to schools, and wrote several essays, in hopes of finding a school where I can study journalism. Looking back on it, it was a blessing that I wasn't pledging a frat this semester. Because I was so busy with college applications and school. If I was pledging, my grades would have probably suffered.

I also should add that I am glad that I didn't join the frat because over the course of the rest of the semester, I got to make friends with so many people that weren't in the frat. I built up better friendships with people I didn't know quite as well so that I wouldn't feel left out when there were mixers and formals that my friends were at. I made a ton of great friends and got to know a lot of people that I otherwise probably wouldn't have gotten to know

Welcome to the Jungle (Spring Break in Panama City Beach)
After completing the first half of my second semester, I embarked on a journey with two of my good friends from Intervarsity. For those that don't know, Intervarsity is an interdenominational Christian fellowship group that is found on many college campuses. On our missions trip, we drove 17 hours down in to the craziest spring break party location, Panama City Beach to do street evangelism on the beach. This was truly an amazing experience. While there were only three of us from Carthage on the trip, we worked with a group of about 40 University of Illinois students. Now what really touched while I was on this trip, was how loving and kind the U of I students I was with were. It was so cool how we became close to one another so fast on the trip and how some people became like family to me while I was down there. And what I learned was how strong the body of Christ is. It truly is a body; a family. The bonds I have with fellow believers are stronger than any kind of bonds of brotherhood that a fraternity could offer me. Around this time I realized that I was satisfied with not being in a frat, because I had so many other great things around me that I needed to just appreciate. PCB was an amazing experience and I have some amazing stories I can share with people if they're interested.

Finishing Strong (April-May)

Coming back from break, I was pretty exhausted, and I was ready for another break. But I knew that I needed to finish strong. Pastor Bryan Loritts said in a sermon, "Starting well is easy. Finishing well- that's the hard part." A verse that really encouraged me around this time was Hebrews 12:1. "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart."

I had a real opportunity here to improve. I couldn't let my hard work from the earlier part of the semester go to waste. I also recognized that this could be my last month at Carthage, ever. I wanted to make the most of it and enjoy my time with my friends. I had a lot of fun in this last month, going to Cubs games, participating in Relay For Life, going to see my favorite band Switchfoot, meeting Jefferson Bethke, going bowling, making even more friends, and more. I had an absolute blast. What excited me most was when I was blessed with the opportunity to share my faith story at Intervarsity.

In my final weeks at Carthage, one by one, I started receiving decision letters from the schools I applied to. And one by one, I got rejected. I got rejected by all of them, except one. But I didn't let it phase me. I wanted to serve God in my schoolwork and give him the glory.

Back to the Beginning Again
When I received my grades this past weekend, I found out that my 1.6 GPA from the previous semester had leaped to a 2.8. I'm not where I want to be, and I can do better. But it's a step in the right direction and a sign of improvement. It's God getting me back on the right track.

My Carthage experience was unlike anything I ever have experienced. When it all started, I thought I was attempting something that I never could do. I never thought I could go to college. I never thought I could stick out what seemed to me at the time "a terrible situation." I never thought I would grow more mentally, emotionally and spiritually than I did that year. I never thought I would end up making lifelong friends and having a lot of fun. I could ramble on for hours about what God established my freshman year at Carthage. But the point is, he did a lot of big things. And God's not done doing big things. When it came to deciding whether or not I would transfer, I assessed the situation. I didn't get in to any of my top choices and the only school I got in to I didn't have any friends at to help me make the adjustment. So I thought, why not stay another year at Carthage, continue to boost my grades, and then try again at those schools? I can always transfer to the other school then, or I could just stay. It really wasn't a hard decision. And while it wasn't what I wanted (if it were up to me, I would transfer to one of the schools I didn't get in to), I knew it was best for me. God has led me back to another year at Carthage, and I am thrilled for what is to come.