Spiritual Warfare: The Rock Won't Move

This is a blog that I have been itching to write all day long. I've been at college now for nearly three weeks, and I'm not sure how updated everyone is with everything. So I figured it was time for me to yet again open up my soul and share with you what is going on in my heart and mind.

I know there are some people reading this that cannot relate to my Christian beliefs. To some, this may make no sense, and to others, I might just sound crazy. But this is what is going on in my life right now.

In my last update (The Hurt and the Healer), I shared with you my struggles upon arriving, but also talked about the great silver lining that there was. That silver lining is that while a lot of things in my life are changing, God never changes. And while a lot of things may be exceptionally tough, there is joy in God's name. People keep telling me that it will all be better in a few weeks, or however long. Once I settle in, it will all be good. But you shouldn't have to wait for joy. Joy is attainable in the Lord, and God can give you joy in your times of trial.

Since I've gotten here, I've felt closer to Jesus than I ever have before. This college stuff is very hard. It's not easy, and it isn't always fun. But God has been carrying me through it all. I have been able to feel God's presence in me, and it is greater than any other feeling I have ever felt before.

God has been using my trials for his own good. Since I've gotten here, God has given me a multitude of opportunities to share the gospel with others, and he has opened up a lot of neat conversations I have had with people. I have been praying for him to change the hearts of the people around me, so that they can experience this unspeakable joy too. Seeing hearts change and lives renewed is what makes me happy.

As I was saying, I feel like God is using me the most he ever has. He's using me in ways that I never imagined. I won't go in to specifics on this blog. If you are interested, please feel free to ask and I would love to talk about it. But I feel that I shouldn't share specifics on the internet. But God is doing incredible things and he's using me, and it's awesome to be able to see and to feel that.

Someone asked me about a month ago, "If you can feel God's presence, is it possible that you can also feel Satan's presence?" Good question. I believe that all sinful and selfish desires come from the devil. He tries to tempt everyone. Negativity also comes from the devil.

Satan wants the kingdom of Hell to be greater than the kingdom of Heaven. He tries to drown out the Lord's truths. 1 Peter 5: 8-9 reads, "Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings." While Satan is attacking everyone, he also has his goals. His goal is to make the kingdom of Hell bigger than the kingdom of Heaven. And that my friends, is a scary thought.

How can Satan be the most effective? While he tempts everyone, he specifically targets people who God is using. He goes after those people, and amplifies their weaknesses. He knows that those people are having a big impact, and he wants that impact to be a negative one rather than a positive one.

Where am I going with all of this? I can honestly say that this week, I feel like the devil has been coming at me hard. I don't want to sound prideful and make it sound like I'm great and mighty, because I'm not. I'm doing nothing. It's all God. I am doing my best to give him control and to let him use me, and when I am giving him control, he is freeing me from the sin that I was so easily enslaved to. If you can't give it up, it owns you.

But I feel like the devil is targeting me. He's trying to go after my weakness. He knows that I miss my friends, my family and my home. He knows that I have had some worries about things socially here. So he attacks that, and it brings deep pain.

13 years ago, when I was just a little five year-old in the summer of 2000, my mom and I started watching the show Survivor together. It's my favorite show on TV. But to me it's almost more than a show. It's a bond that I've shared with my mother and other members of our family. We've been watching Survivor together every Wednesday or Thursday night for the past 13 years. Wednesday night, the new season of the show started. It's theme? Returning players and their loved ones. Ten people that have played the game before are playing again. Each player has a loved one out on the island with them, however each loved one is on the other tribe. Watching this, I knew that if I was on the show, my loved one would be my mom. As we watched the show in separate parts of the Midwest, we texted each other talking about the show. I enjoyed hearing from my mom, and I enjoyed having someone to talk about the show with. But at this time, I started feeling really, really down. I missed my mom. I got so homesick. For some reason, Survivor didn't have me as glued to the television as it normally does. Nope, I was homesick and I kind of couldn't wait until the show as over. Satan was coming at me hard and exploiting my weakness.

I started to breakdown and cry. I started to pray. I prayed that God would comfort me and make it so I didn't feel lonely. Not long after that, I realized that I had left my duffle bag in my friends' dorm room when I was there earlier. They came over not long after to drop it off, but they also stayed for a bit and watched TV. God gave me someone to talk to when I was feeling super lonely. This boosted my spirits.

After they left, Satan kept coming after me. I knew there was spiritual warfare going on here. And I knew the only way to beat it was to flush it out with truth. As I was texting a couple of good friends about what was happening, they listened to me, showed love to me, and comforted me. I was reminded that while it may feel lonely here, God has blessed me with so many amazing friendships, friendships that aren't going away anytime soon. While Satan kept coming after me, I was reminded of a story I had heard.

Last summer I read the book Beyond Belief by Josh Hamilton. Hamilton is one of my all-time favorite athletes, and he is currently my favorite baseball player. A few days before, a friend of mine that is still in high school told me he was writing a blog article about Hamilton and his amazing story. Perhaps this was another way of God working, with him reminding me of this story from my friend. Either way, allow me to briefly share Josh's story with you. Hamilton was a young prodigy when it came to baseball. As a high schooler, he was drafted with the first overall pick in the 1999 MLB Amateur Draft by the Tampa Bay Devil Rays. Scouts calling him a 5-tool, once in a lifetime kind of player, who's potential was Mickey Mantle-like. Hamilton showed good promise in the Devil Rays' farm system, but after injuries started to frustrate him and he couldn't play baseball, one bad decision led to another. Before he knew it, he was addicted to crack. He thought his life was over and he was going to die. He ended up surrendering his life to Jesus Christ, and asked God to take the drugs from him. God did just that. He gave him new life, and he was freed from his addiction. He eventually got back to baseball, and he's one of the best players on the planet. Watch this.

In the midst of his drug addiction, he had a bad dream that changed his life. And this is a great image of spiritual warfare. This is from an article on CBN.com

"I had the most haunting dream. I was fighting the devil, an awful-looking thing. I had a stick or a bat or something, and every time I hit the devil, he'd fall and get back up. Over and over I hit him, until I was exhausted and he was still standing.' Josh awoke in a sweat; the terror he felt from his dream made the dream feel real.

Seven months later, Josh had the same dream; but this time, there was an important difference.

'I would hit him [the devil], and he would bounce back up, the ugliest most hideous creature you could imagine,' he said. 'This devil seemed unbeatable; I couldn't knock him out. But just when I felt like giving up, I felt a presence by my side. I turned my head and saw Jesus battling alongside me. We kept fighting, and I was filled with strength.'

Josh believed that the lesson he learned through his dream was obvious, 'Alone, I couldn't win this battle. With Jesus, I couldn't lose.'

James 4:7 became the Bible verse Josh would memorize and stand on, 'Humble yourself before God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you.'

'I read that over and over, committing it to memory. I vowed to change, to make every move from here on a positive one. I battled vicious physical cravings – the devil came at me hard – and as soon as I felt one coming on I would repeat the verse,' he said."

This has been popping in to my head all week. Hamilton had an ongoing fight with the devil. It wasn't easy. But he had to keep fighting. The last thing he could do was listen to the devil, let him win. No, he had to go on the offensive and let the Lord take out the devil. 

As I was reminded of this story, I started to feel pretty good once again. The next morning, I was sick. This was Satan's next attempt at slowing me down. He wanted me to be sick so that I would stay in my dorm and feel isolated from everyone. As I was walking to my class, I started getting dizzy. I stopped myself for a second and sat on a bench, and started praying that God would bring somebody by my side to help me. Not long after, my friends John and Sal showed up, and one of them was able to walk me over to the nurse's office. Once again, God immediately answered my prayer. I went to the nurse, and after spending the next few hours in bed, I started to feel better; well enough to once again go out of my room. God won't let Satan win.

I could keep going on and on about how Satan is coming after me, but I think it's more important to highlight the positive of this story. And that is that God is omnipotent and omnipresent. He won't let Satan win.

I have to keep reminding myself why I am here. In a previous blog called "College = Redemption Island", I talked about why I was coming to school. I wasn't coming to Carthage College for my own good. It wasn't about getting here so that I can get a job in journalism when I'm done with college. That's not to say that that isn't something I want very bad. I would love to be able to become a writer, and I hope that college prepares me for that. But again, that isn't why I came here. I came here to do the will of God and to allow him to use me in every situation I get. Coming in I thought it would be more about classes. But I guess that's not the situation God has me in right now. God has me here so that I can grow spiritually, and also help others grow spiritually. He keeps giving me opportunity after opportunity every single day. I'm not entirely sure why he has me here, but I know that he has me here for some reason. And that reason is for him to be glorified. How that is being done? I'm not entirely sure. But I take comfort in knowing that as much as Satan tries to attack, the rock won't move. God's not going anywhere, as long as I let him stay in control. And when it comes to spiritual warfare, Jesus ALWAYS wins.

NFL Week 2 Picks

Last week I started doing my weekly NFL predictions. I had pretty decent week one, going 12-4, only betting incorrectly on the Bucs, Giants, Vikings, and Steelers. How will I fair this week? I guess we will see.

Thursday 9/12
Jets @ Patriots- Patriots

Sunday 9/15
Rams @ Falcons- Falcons
Panthers @ Bills- Panthers
Vikings @ Bears- Bears
Browns @ Ravens- Ravens
Cowboys @ Chiefs- Chiefs
Redskins @ Packers- Packers
Titans @ Texans- Texans
Dolphins @ Colts- Colts
Chargers @ Eagles- Eagles
Cardinals @ Lions- Cardinals
Saints @ Bucs- Saints
Broncos @ Giants- Broncos
Jaguars @ Raiders- Raiders
49ers @ Seahawks- 49ers

Monday 9/16
Steelers @ Bengals- Bengals

NFL Season Preview

Football is back. And you know what? I'm not going to keep you waiting with some long introduction like I did for my baseball preview. I'm going to try to make this article more precise. Also note: while this article is going up today on September 8, 2013, after many of this week's games of have been played, all my picks were made before Thursday night's game but I couldn't get this all up until I finished all my writing. I've been busy starting this whole college thing. And so let's do this thing.

AFC North
The Bengals are winning this division. They are a good, young, up and coming team. Sure, Andy Dalton is the starting quarterback. But this team is real good. With the addition of rookie Giovani Bernard at running back, they could have a much better running game, an area that hasn't been the best in the past. Anything short of a playoff victory this year will be a disappoint for Bengals fans. But if they do that, fans will be ecstatic.The real question in this division, is who can nab a Wild Card spot: the Ravens or the Steelers? The Ravens were a great team last year. Don't get me wrong, they won the Super Bowl. But I think this is going to be a transition year for them. Without Ray Lewis and Ed Reed, they are going to need to create a new defensive identity. They got younger, and they added Elvis Dumervil. There's talent on the defensive side, and I think they'll be very good next year. But again, I think this is going to be transition year and there are going to be some struggles. Think of this year as like the 2009 Pittsburgh Steelers season. The Steelers won the Super Bowl in 2008, but the next year they had the Super Bowl hangover, had their struggles, went 9-7 and missed the playoffs. But then the very next season they won the AFC and came close to winning the Super Bowl. That gets me to my next topic: the 2013 Pittsburgh Steelers. The Steelers are coming off a disappointing 8-8 season plagued by injuries. They didn't get a ton better this offseason. They lost stars Mike Wallace and James Harrison (who the Bengals got on a dime). I really don't know what this Steelers season will hold. I'm still baffled by why they kept Todd Haley. But I think Markus Wheaton could step up and have a nice rookie year at receiver. With the losses the Steelers have had, the big key to this season will be for young role players to step up in to bigger roles; just like another team in Pittsburgh (the Pirates) have done this baseball season. Take for example Cortez Allen. Allen showed good promise at corner at the end of last season when he forced 5 turnovers (two interceptions, three forced fumbles) over the last two games. The biggest question will the the Steelers run game. They cut Jonathan Dwyer this preseason, who I actually thought looked good last season. Rookie Le'Veon Bell is going to need to step up when/if he returns from his injury this fall. If he doesn't, it will be up to Isaac Redman, LaRod Stephens-Howling, or Felix Jones to do so. Yikes. Actually, I wouldn't be shocked if the Steelers and Ravens BOTH miss the playoffs. Yep. You heard it right here. I also feel like I'm forgetting something. I've only talked about three teams in this division. Oh yeah, there's the Browns. Let's just say it's going to be another tough year for them . . .

AFC East
The Patriots lost pro-bowl targets Wes Welker and Aaron Hernandez and will be without beast tight end Rob Gronkowski for a mysterious amount of time. With those gone, and Tom Brady another year older (36), could the Patriots be in danger of letting someone else with the division? Well, I wouldn't be too concerned, considering they play in the same division as the Dolphins, Bills and Jets. So this isn't the year that the Patriots give up the throne (if that ever happens). Keep in mind that Welker and Hernandez came to the Patriots as undervalued gems that other teams passed on. Hernandez was a 4th round pick and Welker went undrafted in the 2004 draft (who was later picked up by the Chargers and Dolphins and the Patriots traded a second round pick for). The Pats saw potential in them, and Tom Brady developed them in to stars. What's to say that there isn't a Wes Welker or Aaron Hernandez on the current Pats roster? Tight end Zach Sudfeld has been called "a baby Gronk". A 6'7 250+ lb. tight end with Tom Brady throwing passes to him? Shyeah. Also keep your eye on Kenbrell Thompkins. And if Gronk comes back fine and Amendola stays healthy, watch out. As for the other teams, the Bills and Jets will be starting rookie quarterbacks. If I had to pick a team to finish second, I'd take the Dolphins. But that isn't saying much.

AFC South
The Texans got this. I don't exactly see the Texans being the top dog in the AFC, but I think they could sneak in there. Wouldn't be surprised if they have a top 2 seed. Also wouldn't be surprised if they lose in the first round of the playoffs. The Titans have potential to be a surprise team. However do I expect them to be one? Nope. Jaguars have another rebuilding season, and Blaine Gabbert fights for his job.

AFC West
The Broncos are going to run away with this division. They'll pick up some free wins from their easy division, however I do think the Chiefs could be a surprise team, and dare I say, perhaps sneak in to the playoffs? Anything short of a Super Bowl win is a disappointment for this Broncos team. They have to win now because Peyton's only gotten so much more time in this league, however at age 37 and after three neck surgeries, he is showing no signs of wear and tear. The past two years I picked the Chiefs to win the division. And they have disappointed me both times. But I'll pick them for a Wild Card this year. Yep, you heard me correct. This team has good upside, and with game manager Alex Smith at quarterback, I think this is the year they could be real. The defense has looked really good in preseason too. In a year where the Steelers and Ravens are very iffy, I'm going to take a surprise team and put them in the playoffs. And this year's surprise is the Kansas City Chiefs. As for the Chargers and Raiders . . . better luck next year.

NFC North
Ah, now we are back in the NFC. This is a tough division. You got the Packers who are sure to win 10-12 games. You got the Vikings who are coming off a playoff appearance with a nice, young core that can only get better. And then you got the Bears, who will look better and stronger than they did last year. The offensive line is tougher and Cutler will actually have time to pass now. BUT their schedule is a lot tougher. And then the Lions are the ultimate mystery. They clearly have talent, and they were a playoff team in 2011, but took a giant step backwards going 4-12. How will they look this year? I'll say the Packers win the division, however I'll hold off on saying my Wild Card picks.

NFC East
This is a division anyone can win. I like the Giants though. The last time they missed the playoffs, they came back and won the Super Bowl the following year. I say they're more motivated this year, and they win the division. Cowboys finish last and toss-up between Eagles/Redskins for who gets that second place (as if it matters).

NFC South
Ladies and gentlemen, Sean Payton is back. And so are the Saints. It's awfully tough to make the playoffs when you are without your coach for an entire season, but the Saints are back. There's been a lot of hype surrounding the Atlanta Falcons entering this season. And you know what? I'm not completely buying it. Panthers and Bucs could also be tougher in this division. There are a lot of good teams in the NFC and a lot of bad teams in the AFC, and that is kind of unfortunate.

NFC West
Ever since this spring, I've been saying that the two best teams in the league could be playing in the same division. And that is the Seahawks and 49ers. I'm going to take the 49ers to win the division. But that's not the end of this battle. I believe in my heart of hearts that we're going to be seeing these two teams slugging it out at some point in the playoffs, which could be the toughest challenge either team will face all year. The Cardinals and Rams have improved and could be surprise teams, but it's going to be tough to snag a playoff spot in the NFC.

NFC Wild Card
Alright so I got to pick two wild card teams? Give me the Seahawks and . . . the Chicago Bears. That's right. In Marc Trestman's first year as head coach, the Bears will survive a tough schedule and nab a playoff spot. It won't be easy, but I'm predicting that it happens.


PLAYOFFS

Wild Card Weekend
4 Cincinnati Bengals OVER 5 Indianapolis Colts
3 Houston Texans OVER 6 Kansas City Chiefs
6 Chicago Bears OVER 3 Green Bay Packers
5 Seattle Seahawks OVER 4 New York Giants

Divisional Round
1 Denver Broncos OVER 4 Cincinnati Bengals
2 New England Patriots OVER 3 Houston Texans
1 San Francisco 49ers OVER 6 Chicago Bears
5 Seattle Seahawks OVER 2 New Orleans Saints

Conference Championships
2 Patriots OVER 1 Broncos- In a classic showdown between Tom Brady and Peyton Manning, I'm taking Brady. I can't bet on Peyton Manning in cold weather playoff games, but this will be the game of the year.
1 49ers OVER 5 Seahawks- Another great game. Russell Wilson vs Colin Kaepernick. What if this becomes this Brady-Manning rivalry of the next generation? Wouldn't be entirely surprised. I'm going 49ers here.

Super Bowl
The past two years, I've picked the Patriots to in it all. They have come very close to doing so. Tom Brady is quite possibly my favorite quarterback in league history, and with one more ring could help his case for greatest quarterback of all-time. I'm not going to pick the same team to win three years in a row, so instead, I'm going to go with the 49ers, with Colin Kaepernick winning Super Bowl MVP, and joining the elite group of quarterbacks in the National Football League. I hope that I'm wrong and I hope Tom Brady wins another Super Bowl, but I like Kaepernick and I think this 9ers team is unstoppable. 49ers 27, Patriots 20

NFL Week 1 Picks

It's that time of year again. Football season. And this is my first sports blog that I'm writing from my new home in Kenosha, Wisconsin at Carthage College. I really have no idea how often I will be able to write and what the college workload will look like. But what I do know is that I want to share my weekly picks on this blog with you all. I also hope to have an NFL season preview up for you soon with my picks.

NOTE: I made most of these picks on Thursday, September 5, 2013, including the game from

Thursday, 9/5
Ravens @ Broncos- Broncos. Honestly I am not a fan of either of these teams, as a fan. However, I have high hopes for the Broncos this year. I think they get off to a good start tonight. Also, wouldn't be surprised if this turns in to a blowout. I'll take the Broncos at home tonight.

Sunday, 9/8
Patriots @ Bills- Pats. Do I really need to give an explanation?
Titans @ Steelers- Steelers. The Steelers are a bit of a mystery this year. As a fan of the team, even I have no clue how good they will be. There were a good amount of changes this offseason (no more Mike Wallace or James Harrison), and yet the one thing I wanted to change didn't. That's right, Todd Haley is still the offensive coordinator. If the Steelers want to contend, they gotta pick up a win this Sunday. They need to get off to a good start and start building momentum. While they have a lot of questions about their running game, I say Big Ben wills them to victory. Side note: keep your eye on rookie receiver Markus Wheaton this season.
Falcons @ Saints- Saints. Sean Payton makes his return to coaching and the Saints win.
Buccaneers @ Jets- Bucs. To put it nicely, I can't see the Jets being too good this year. They will have a lot of problems, and my bet is it's Rex Ryan's last year as head coach. While some rookie quarterbacks have had great success in their first career starts (Cam Newton's 422 passing yards in 2011 and Robert Griffin III's 364 all-purpose yards last season come to mind), I see Geno Smith having a rough first start.
Chiefs @ Jaguars- Chiefs. I'm pretty sure I've picked the Chiefs to win the division the last two years and they have certainly let me down both times. Big time. But I think we're about to see a new era of Chiefs football. The young defense has looked good and Alex Smith is a decent quarterback. Are they a playoff team? You'll find out in my season preview coming up soon. But I like them better than a Jaguars team that has Blaine Gabbert as their starting quarterback.
Seahawks @ Panthers- Seahawks. I think this will be a fun game. Getting to watch Russell Wilson and Cam Newton run the option and then fire the ball down the field will be fun to watch. This could be a quarterback duel. I'm giving an edge to the Seahawks because I have high hopes for this season, and I think the defense will stop Cam when they need to.
Bengals @ Bears- Bears. The Monsters of the Midway return to Chicago for the first time without Lovie Smith. I'm still not sure how I feel about that firing. I also don't know how to feel about the hiring of CFL coach Marc Trestman (why not at least interview Bill Cowher?). This could be a revealing game for the Bears' story this season. On paper, the Bears are a better team than they were last season. However they do have a much tougher schedule. I have high expectations for the Bengals this year, but I can see the Bears stealing one here, just like when they stole one from the Falcons on opening day two years ago.
Dolphins @ Browns- Dolphins. Officially the snoozefest of the week. Does it really matter who wins?
Vikings @ Lions- Vikings. All Day's gonna run crazy and the Vikings are going to take this one.
Raiders @ Colts- Colts. Yeah, I'm not betting on the Raiders.
Packers @ 49ers- 49ers. This could be the game of the week. I believe these two teams played week one last year, and this could be a new rivalry. I really am tempted to pick Rodgers in a high-scoring shootout. But I also might say the 49ers are the best team going in to week one. I'll go with the 9ers.
Cardinals @ Rams- Rams. Interesting match-up. While neither of these teams are the most exciting, I think of them could be a good surprise team. The Cardinals started out 4-0 last season, beating the Seahawks, Patriots, Eagles (who looked good at the start of the season) and Dolphins, and then dropped the next 9 games. Meanwhile, the Rams quietly went 7-8-1. One of these teams could be a surprise team this year. Only problem is that this is a TOUGH division. Anyway, I'll take the Rams at home, but I have no idea
Giants @ Cowboys- Giants. Eli Manning > Tony Romo.

Monday, 9/9
Eagles @ Redskins- Eagles- I like the Birds here. Lot of questions surround RGIII and his return. I can see the Eagles catching the Skins off guard and making big plays with Chip Kelly's offense.
Texans @ Chargers- Texans. I see this one being a blowout. Start your Texans in fantasy football this week!

So those are my picks. My full NFL preview will be coming soon!

The Hurt and the Healer

Okay, it's 1 A.M. right now in Kenosha, Wisconsin. I've been at college for five days, and I've been exhausted. I thought I was going to bed, but I felt like God wanted me to write this blog before I did that.

A lot of people have been reaching out to me and asking, "How is college?" and depending on the time, I may give different answers. At some points I might say "It's great! I love it here!" and at other times I may not know what to say. Because it has been very, very, very tough.

I know a good amount of people reading this blog have left for college at some point, or are experiencing this same thing right now.

How can I describe my thoughts? Well, again, it's like a rollercoaster. At some points I'm loving this college thing. I have a nice suite, and it's a beautiful campus here. But the lows, oh the lows. They can hurt. I'm not sure what is tougher: leaving all my friends at home (or at their respective universities) or not having many friends here. I've met some neat people, but then I don't see them again. It's weird. I am blessed however to have two friends here, John and Lisa, that I knew prior to starting here that really have reached out to me and invited me to stuff and helped me transition in to this college life.

What are the other lows? I haven't been the biggest fan of the cafeteria food here. It's often left me feeling sick and I miss my mother's amazing cooking. The classes aren't too fun. There's a lot of stress that is thrown on you academically.

But the toughest thing has been the social aspect; starting over and making new friends. This has surprised me because I love meeting new people and I consider myself a pretty friendly and extroverted individual. But it isn't going exactly the way I expected. I've met some nice people, but can I consider them my friends, having only known them a few days, and only having sat with them at a meal once or twice? I don't know. There's a lot of patience that's involved here.

Anyway, the loneliness intensifies. It builds up and builds up. It's tough here.

Something that people keep telling me is, "Don't worry, it will all be better in a few weeks." And when I hear that, I am instantly reminded of something a good friend of mine told me my senior year of high school. At some point towards the end of the year, I was really struggling and I wasn't happy. I said to my friend, "It will all be good once school gets out." And that was when my friend told me something that still hits me hard to this day. My friend said something to me along the lines of, "Jack, when you get down, you just drown yourself and wallow in it and you need to stop doing that. There's no reason why you can't be all good now. God loves you and there is joy in his name. You shouldn't have to wait to be happy when you can have joy now."

These words are something I've been thinking about ever since, but particularly this week. When everything is feeling bad and it feels like the world is crashing down on me, I know where to go to. I crack open my Bible and read chapters out loud to myself. Then I spend time deeply in prayer. I've shed many tears this week. Tonight I was feeling pretty down. And then I decided I was going to have my quiet time. When I finished, I felt amazing and that is why I am writing this blog, my friends. I want to feel at peace and at rest. And Jesus is who offers that.

You see, while life is tough and it sucks some days, there is joy in Christ. This week has been a huge reminder to me that I can't do this stuff on my own. It's reminded me how weak I am. It's extremely humbling. It also shows how much of a sinner I have been. How could I be so arrogant and prideful? This week has started to wreck me. And while I have been by myself, I haven't totally felt lonely. That's because I know Jesus is right here with me, fighting this fight by my side. I can feel God's presence. I can feel him carrying me. I know that he loves me. I can feel that love. He's been giving me energy and perseverance and comfort. It hasn't been easy. But I've realized the more time I spend with Jesus, the better I feel. I am encountering indescribable joy. And it's the best feeling one could ever have.

And while it has been a very tough time, I am so grateful for this solitude. Because of this solitude, I have been able to feel that closeness with God. It's about dying to self, giving up selfish desires, and discovering that there is freedom in God's name. Letting God purify your thoughts, and having him hold on to you. I have been able to feel him carrying me, and I wouldn't trade that for the world.

And so while people may say it gets better as it goes and I believe them, at least I can say I take comfort in knowing Jesus Christ right now, on this very day. And that is something that is greater and in my eyes, more important than any education or friendships I can have here. That's not to say that those things aren't important. They certainly are, and I am looking forward to having those things. But I'm here to honor my God and let him work in me and through me. As long as his will is being accomplished, I am at peace and happy.