It would be fun to just write about the teams and owners, but I have a special treat for you all. Tyler "Dazz" Daswick, a good friend of mine from Northwestern University who writes an awesome blog called According to Dazz (that you all need to check out!) is making a special guest appearance on Viva La Vita. Dazz is a fantasy football whiz and he will be doing preseason rankings of all twelve teams. I am especially excited about this because we have talked about doing some sort of collaboration for some time now, and Dazz is an excellent writer. I really appreciate that he was able to use some of his time to make this blog better. I think you will all appreciate his writing, as I certainly do. If you like what you see here, you must check out his site!
So now let's introduce the teams as I reveal the rankings to you. Let's start at the very top. This is "Dazz’s Doomed-to-look-stupid-later Draft Analysis":
Owner: Colin Smith
Pick: 3rd
Roster:
QB: Colin Kaepnernick (San Francisco 49ers) (Round 3)
RB: Ray Rice (Baltimore Ravens) (Round 1)
RB: Reggie Bush (Detroit Lions) (Round 5)
WR: Dez Bryant (Dallas Cowboys) (Round 2)
WR: Jordy Nelson (Green Bay Packers) (Round 4)
TE: Jason Witten (Dallas Cowboys) (Round 7)
FLEX: Cecil Shorts (WR, Jacksonville Jaguars) (Round 8)
D/ST: Seattle Seahawks (Round 6)
K: Stephen Gostkowski (New England Patriots) (Round 13)
BENCH: Mark Ingram (RB, New Orleans Saints) (Round 9), Jacoby Jones (WR, Baltimore Ravens) (Round 10), Matt Schaub (QB, Atlanta Falcons) (Round 11), Jared Cook (TE, St. Louis Rams) (Round 12), Roy Helu (RB, Washington Redskins) (Round 14), Darrius Heyward-Bey (Indianapolis Colts) (Round 15), Daniel Thomas (RB, Miami Dolphins) (Round 16)
A quote from the owner:
"Besides Ray Rice and Kaepernick, I feel like I don't have many big name players, but they're all guys who will either have a huge game or not do anything. I took some risks by taking my defense and kicker way earlier than everyone else but having consistent points from those two spots is a game changer, and I really think they're the best at their positions. Takeover Mode (Forsyth), Team Kraus, and Dirty Mike and the Boyz (Sharif) also have terrible upper level management, so they're going nowhere in this league."
Dazz's Analysis:
The starting lineup is absolutely filthy, and I like having Ingram and Jones lurking on the bench. You could really become something great if you would understand that your last name literally makes for the worst fantasy football team name of all time, and that you should change it as soon as possible. Just sayin’.
Owner: Nathan Rice
Pick: 5th
Roster:
QB: Matt Ryan (Atlanta Falcons) (Round 4)
RB: Arian Foster (Houston Texans) (Round 1)
RB: Chris Johnson (Tennessee Titans) (Round 3)
WR: Julio Jones (Atlanta Falcons) (Round 2)
WR: Mike Wallace (Miami Dolphins) (Round 5)
TE: Jordan Cameron (Cleveland Browns) (Round 9)
FLEX: Antonio Brown (WR, Pittsburgh Steelers) (Round 6)
D/ST: San Francisco 49ers (Round 8)
K: Garrett Hartley (New Orleans Saints) (Round 12)
BENCH: BenJarvus Green-Ellis (RB, Cincinnati Bengals) (Round 7), Alshon Jeffery (WR, Chicago Bears) (Round 10), LaMichael James (RB, San Francisco 49ers) (Round 11), EJ Manuel (QB, Buffalo Bills) (Round 12), Fred Davis (TE, Washington Redskins) (Round 13), Dwayne Allen (TE, Indianapolis Colts) (Round 14), Santana Moss (WR, Washington Redskins) (Round 15)
A quote from the owner:
"My team is bad ass and I guarantee $240 in my pocket come week 16."
Dazz's Analysis:
I don’t understand. You were smart enough to take Foster, Ryan, Julio Jones, LaMichael James, and Antonio Brown, but you took Chris “Wait—wait—guys?! I still think I’m the best of all time!” Johnson. How much do you think the Tennessee Titans are going to score this year? The correct answer is: very little. Not often, rarely, or the phrase “in minimal amounts” would have also been accepted. Sheesh. But your team is fine, so whatever.
Owner: Andrew Lawlor
Pick: 7th
Roster:
QB: Robert Griffin III (Washington Redskins) (Round 6)
RB: Jamaal Charles (Kansas City Chiefs) (Round 1)
RB: Alfred Morris (Washington Redskins) (Round 2)
WR: Roddy White (Atlanta Falcons) (Round 3)
WR: Steve Smith (Carolina Panthers) (Round 5)
TE: Martellus Bennett (Chicago Bears) (Round 8)
FLEX: Montee Ball (Denver Broncos) (Round 4)
D/ST: Pittsburgh Steelers (Round 14)
K: Phil Dawson (Cleveland Browns) (Round 15)
BENCH: Lamar Miller (RB, Miami Dolphins) (Round 7), Vick Ballard (RB, Indianapolis Colts) (Round 9), Kenny Britt (WR, Tennessee Titans) (Round 10), Bryce Brown (RB, Philadelphia Eagles) (Round 11), Michael Floyd (WR, Arizona Cardinals) (Round 12), Ryan Broyles (WR, Detroit Lions) (Round 13), Josh Brown (K, New York Giants) (Round 16)
A quote from the owner:
"As Herb Brooks once said, 'I'm not looking for the best players, I'm looking for the right players.' Well my team has a lack of huge stars. There's no AP or anyone like that on my team. That's what you get picking in the middle of the draft. But if RGIII comes back strong from his injury this could be a strong team, and I'm hoping to compete for the title."
Dazz's Analysis:
Two kickers. One for each nut you need to be kicked in, idiot. This team has absolutely insane potential otherwise. It all rides on RGIII—if he stays healthy you could run away with this league, but that chance is scary-slim.
Owner: Jack Lindblad
Pick: 8th
Roster:
QB: Matthew Stafford (Detroit Lions) (Round 5)
RB: LeSean McCoy (Philadelphia Eagles) (Round 1)
RB: Ahmad Bradshaw (Indianapolis Colts) (Round 6)
WR: Brandon Marshall (Chicago Bears) (Round 2)
WR: Larry Fitzgerald (Arizona Cardinals) (Round 3)
TE: Brandon Meyers (New York Giants) (Round 9)
FLEX: Danny Amendola (New England Patriots) (Round 4)
D/ST: St. Louis Rams (Round 12)
K: Matt Prater (Round 14)
BENCH: Le'Veon Bell (RB, Pittsburgh Steelers) (Round 7), Miles Austin (WR, Dallas Cowboys) (Round 8), Fred Jackson (RB, Buffalo Bills) (Round 10), Brandon Pettigrew (TE, Detroit Lions) (Round 11), Kendall Wright (WR, Tennessee Titans) (Round 13), Tyler Eifert (TE, Cincinnati Bengals) (Round 15), Ryan Williams (RB, Arizona Cardinals) (Round 16)
Owner Jack Lindblad did not provide me with a quote.
Dazz's Analysis:
For a guy who drafted three tight ends, you somehow managed to wind up with a solid receiving core and two running backs who are going to be total workhorses, and handcuffing Fred Jackson was wise. The team name makes no sense at all but it has great catchphrase potential—“You’ve just been rigged, son!”, “What’s that? You say this league was rigged? Couldn't agree more, sucka!” and so on.
Owner: Jack Stamos
Pick: 10th
Roster:
QB: Cam Newton (Carolina Panthers) (Round 3)
RB: Trent Richardson (Cleveland Browns) (Round 1)
RB: Matt Forte (Chicago Bears) (Round 2)
WR: Hakeem Nicks (New York Giants) (Round 4)
WR: Torrey Smith (Baltimore Ravens) (Round 6)
TE: Kyle Rudolph (Minnesota Vikings) (Round 8)
FLEX: Ryan Matthews (RB, San Diego Chargers) (Round 5)
D/ST: Arizona Cardinals (Round 15)
K: Alex Henery (Philadelphia Eagles) (Round 16)
BENCH: T.Y. Hilton (WR, Indianapolis Colts) (Round 7), Vincent Brown (WR, San Diego Chargers) (Round 9), Bernard Pierce (RB, Baltimore Ravens) (Round 10), Jay Cutler (QB, Chicago Bears) (Round 11), Josh Gordon (WR, Cleveland Browns) (Round 12), Andre Roberts (WR, Arizona Cardinals) (Round 13), DeAndre Hopkins (WR, Houston Texans) (Round 14)
Owner Jack Stamos did not provide me with a quote.
Dazz's Analysis:
I’m a fan of Cam Newton and your starting running backs, but the receiving core looks a little weak. Well, actually, Torrey Smith is solid, and you have T.Y. Hilton? Nice. Andre Roberts was a good sleeper too . . . am I selling myself on Team Stamos? You bet! Good draft.
Owner: Max Kraus
Pick: 6th
Roster:
QB: Tom Brady (New England Patriots) (Round 2)
RB: Doug Martin (Tampa Bay Buccaneers) (Round 1)
RB: David Wilson (New York Giants) (Round 3)
WR: Marques Colston (New Orleans Saints) (Round 4)
WR: Dwayne Bowe (Kansas City Chiefs) (Round 5)
TE: Jermichael Finley (Green Bay Packers) (Round 8)
FLEX: Eddie Lacy (RB, Green Bay Packers) (Round 6)
D/ST: Cincinnati Bengals (Round 10)
K: Mason Crosby (Green Bay Packers) (Round 14)
BENCH: Sidney Rice (WR, Seattle Seahawks) (Round 7), Denarius Moore (WR, Oakland Raiders) (Round 9), Malcom Floyd (WR, San Diego Chargers) (Round 11), Andy Dalton (QB, Cincinnati Bengals) (Round 12), Michael Bush (RB, Chicago Bears) (Round 13), Michael Turner (RB, Free Agent) (Round 15), Scott Chandler (TE, Buffalo Bills) (Round 16)
A quote from the owner:
"Coming a little late to the draft, I was nervous who I would get from the first few rounds, but my pre-draft ranking and intense scouting paid off and I feel like I got a solid team. Looking forward my team is always improving week by week. It's up to the players to perform on the field if they want to keep their spot."
Kraus also responded to Colin Smith's comments about his upper level management, saying, "I have one of best managed teams in the league. Players try to get traded to my team."
Dazz's Analysis:
No complaints here, and this guy even has the cahones to draft one Michael Turner onto his team! That gives you the Gutsiest Pick of the Draft Award easily. Total respect—you even make a team with Andy Dalton on it look pretty alright.
Owner: Jack Vita (Executive Commissioner, Blog Writer, and yours truly)
Pick: 2nd
Roster:
QB: Russell Wilson (Seattle Seahawks) (Round 4)
RB: Marshawn Lynch (Seattle Seahawks) (Round 1)
RB: Stevan Ridley (Seattle Seahawks) (Round 2)
WR: Eric Decker (Denver Broncos) (Round 6)
WR: James Jones (Denver Broncos) (Round 7)
TE: Rob Gronkowski (New England Patriots) (Round 5)
FLEX: Frank Gore (San Francisco 49ers) (Round 3)
D/ST: Houston Texans (Round 10)
K: Robbie Gould (Chicago Bears) (Round 16)
BENCH: Greg Jennings (WR, Minnesota Vikings) (Round 8), Emmanuel Sanders (WR, Pittsburgh Steelers) (Round 9), Ben Tate (RB, Houston Texans) (Round 11), Jonathan Dwyer (RB, Pittsburgh Steelers) (Round 12), Josh Freeman (QB, Tampa Bay Buccaneers) (Round 13), Coby Fleener (TE, Indianapolis Colts) (Round 14), Markus Wheaton (WR, Pittsburgh Steelers) (Round 15)
A quote from the owner:
"I think my greatest asset is my ability to adapt. That's what fantasy football is all about- adaptability. Strategy is important and all, but you gotta be ready to adapt to what's around you. In the words of the great Mike Tyson, 'everyone has a plan until they get punched in the face."
Dazz's Analysis:
Strong in the RB area for a season that’s thin in the position, weak QB picks and the presence of Rob “Brittle Bone Disease” Gronkowski might prove your undoing. Plus, no style points for the team name, Mr. League Manager.
Owner: Nate Falk
Pick: 11th
Roster:
QB: Drew Brees (New Orleans Saints) (Round 1)
RB: Steven Jackson (Atlanta Falcons) (Round 2)
RB: Rashard Mendenhall (Arizona Cardinals) (Round 6)
WR: Vincent Jackson (Tampa Bay Buccaneers) (Round 3)
WR: Wes Welker (Denver Broncos) (Round 4)
TE: Vernon Davis (San Francisco 49ers) (Round 5)
FLEX: Steve Johnson (WR, Buffalo Bills) (Round 7)
D/ST: New Englad Patriots (Round 11)
K: Blair Walsh (K, Minnesota Vikings) (Round 14)
BENCH: Mikel Leshoure (RB, Detroit Lions) (Round 8), Mike Williams (WR, Tampa Bay Buccaneers) (Round 9), Eli Manning (QB, New York Giants) (Round 10), Sam Bradford (QB, St. Louis Rams) (Round 12), Bilal Powell (RB, New York Jets) (Round 13), Robert Turbin (RB, Seattle Seahawks) (Round 15), Zac Stacy (RB, St. Louis Rams) (Round 16)
A quote from the owner:
"There's somebody in everybody."
Dazz's Analysis:
You drafted Rashard Mendenhall? How’s it feel to have Cardinals fans laughing at you? Cardinalsfans. Plus, you drafted two other quarterbacks when you had Drew Brees—you might regret that down the road.
#9: Dirty Mike and the Boyz
Owner: Alex Sharif (not pictured)
Pick: 4th
Roster:
QB: Aaron Rodgers (Green Bay Packers) (Round 1)
RB: Maurice Jones-Drew (Jacksonville Jaguars) (Round 2)
RB: Darren Sproles (New Orleans Saints) (Round 5)
WR: Andre Johnson (Houston Texans) (Round 3)
WR: DeSean Jackson (Philadelphia Eagles) (Round 6)
TE: Tony Gonzalez (Atlanta Falcons) (Round 4)
FLEX: Tavon Austin (St. Louis Rams) (Round 8)
D/ST: Green Bay Packers (Round 14)
K: Justin Tucker (Baltimore Ravens) (Round 15)
BENCH: Joe Flacco (QB, Baltimore Ravens) (Round 7), Antonio Gates (TE, San Diego Chargers) (Round 9), Jacquizz Rodgers (RB, Atlanta Falcons) (Round 10), Isaiah Pead (St. Louis Rams) (Round 11), Jonathan Stewart (Carolina Panthers) (Round 12), Ronnie Hillman (Denver Broncos) (Round 13), David Akers (Detroit Lions) (Round 16)
A quote from the owner:
"If you have a plan, you're gonna lose."
Dazz's Analysis:
Quality name (finally). Your running backs could either be studs, or total slouches, but I like the wide-outs, and any self-respecting commentator has to love them some QUIZZZZZZZ!! Then you went and drafted two kickers—is one there to symbolize you kicking yourself in the nuts? Because that’s what you need when you draft two kickers.
Owner: Grant Forsyth (Deputy Commissioner)
Pick: 1st
Roster:
QB: Andrew Luck (Indianapolis Colts) (Round 5)
RB: Adrian Peterson (Minnesota Vikings) (Round 1)
RB: Daryl Richardson (St. Louis Rams) (Round 8)
WR: Demaryius Thomas (Denver Broncos) (Round 3)
WR: Reggie Wayne (Indianapolis Colts) (Round 4)
TE: Jimmy Graham (New Orleans Saints) (Round 2)
D/ST: Chicago Bears (Round 9)
K: Matt Bryant (Atlanta Falcons) (Round 15)
BENCH: Shane Vereen (RB, New England Patriots) (Round 6), Anquan Boldin (WR, Baltimore Ravens) (Round 7), Michael Vick (QB, Philadelphia Eagles) (Round 10), DuJuan Harris (RB, Green Bay Packers) (Round 11), Justin Blackmon (WR, Jacksonville Jaguars) (Round 12), Brian Hartline (WR, Miami Dolphins) (Round 13), Ed Dickson (TE, Baltimore Ravens) (Round 14), Santonio Holmes (WR, New York Jets) (Round 16)
A quote from the owner:
"I scored big getting the first pick, but screwed myself at RB. Other than that I have a balanced squad with a guaranteed win at TE each week. I'm going for the gold, and really hoping to offend a lot of people in the process. Maybe ruin some friendships."
Dazz's Analysis:
Takeover what? Your second RB is Daryl Richardson, for goodness sake. Solid receiving core though with Jimmy Graham, Reggie Wayne, Brian Hartline and Demaryius Thomas.
Owner: Eric Underwood
Pick: 12th (last)
Roster:
QB: Tony Romo (Dallas Cowboys) (Round 5)
RB: Darren McFadden (Oakland Raiders) (Round 3)
RB: Chris Ivory (New York Jets) (Round 6)
WR: Calvin Johnson (Detroit Lions) (Round 1)
WR: A.J. Green (Cincinnati Bengals) (Round 2)
TE: Greg Olsen (Carolina Panthers) (Round 8)
FLEX: Randall Cobb (Green Bay Packers) (Round 4)
D/ST: Baltimore Ravens (Round 11)
K: Randy Bullock (Houston Texans) (Round 15)
BENCH: Giovani Bernard (RB, Cincinnati Bengals) (Round 7), Andre Brown (RB, New York Giants) (Round 9), Chris Givens (WR, St. Louis Rams) (Round 10), Rueben Randle (WR, New York Giants) (Round 12), Phillip Rivers (QB, San Diego Chargers) (Round 13), Pierre Thomas (RB, New Orleans Saints) (Round 14), Greg Little (Cleveland Browns) (Round 16)
A quote from the owner:
"To all the other teams out there: tread lightly."
Dazz's Analysis
When your QB is Tony Romo and your number one RB is bound to miss a solid four-to-six games this year, you just aren’t seeing my support.
Owner: Will Grubb
Pick: 9th
Roster:
QB: Peyton Manning (Denver Broncos) (Round 2)
RB: C.J. Spiller (Buffalo Bills) (Round 1)
RB: DeMarco Murray (Dallas Cowboys) (Round 4)
WR: Victor Cruz (New York Giants) (Round 3)
WR: Pierre Garcon (Washington Redskins) (Round 5)
TE: Owen Daniels (Houston Texans) (Round 8)
FLEX: DeAngelo Williams (RB, Carolina Panthers) (Round 6)
D/ST: Denver Broncos (Round 12)
K: Sebastian Janikowski (Oakland Raiders) (Round 14)
BENCH: Lance Moore (WR, New Orleans Saints) (Round 7), Golden Tate (WR, Seattle Seahawks) (Round 9), Ben Roethlisberger (QB, Pittsburgh Steelers) (Round 10), Shonn Greene (RB, Tennessee Titans) (Round 11), Johnathan Franklin (RB, Green Bay Packers) (Round 13), Dallas Cowboys (D/ST) (Round 15), Jermaine Gresham (TE, Cincinnati Bengals) (Round 16)
A quote from the owner:
"I might not have the best team on paper, but I've got the best QB in the game, Peyton Manning, along with the most elusive running back, CJ Spiller. At first glance my wideouts may seem a little shaky, but Victor Cruz & Pierre Garçon are gonna turn some heads this season. I'm going to win. No doubt."
Dazz's Analysis:
You drafted two injury-prone backs as your starters, two tight ends, and two defenses? God help you.
And that my friends is the end of Dazz's Viva La Vita Fantasy Football League Preview. There will plenty more to come from this league in future blogs, so stay tuned. Also, go ahead and check out Dazz's blog: According to Dazz. You won't regret it! Dazz writes a lot about sports, entertainment, and more. Great blog, and I highly recommend you check it out. Also, as our way of thanking Dazz for his work, please like his Facebook fan page.
Thank you to everyone for reading. Let me hear your thoughts now. I'm curious as to what you think of Dazz's rankings. What team is the best? Which is the worst? Who are you rooting for? Comment below and let me know! Or air out your thoughts on my Facebook pan page, or on Twitter @vellvita7. Also if you have any ideas for future articles on the league, let me hear them! Thanks again guys, hope you enjoyed this piece, and stay tuned for more to come from the league!
