This week I officially made up my mind that I will be attending Carthage College in the fall. I figured it is time for a personal journal from me, as it has been a bit of a while.
So as I said, I have decided to attend Carthage in the fall. I will be moving in September 1. And the first thing I want to say is that I am feeling a lot better about going to school than I did a year ago. Last year at this time, I was seventeen and very immature. With my August birthday, I've always been one of the youngest people in my grade, with some of my peers being a full year older than me. My senior year of high school was and still is the best year of my life, and I didn't want to leave that in the past. And there were a lot of things I didn't want to change in my life. Like actually a lot. I didn't want to leave my friends. I didn't want to live in a dorm room. I didn't want to have to stop doing Young Life. I didn't want to leave my church. I just didn't want to do any of these things. I didn't want to step outside of my comfort zone.
And so I got to Taylor University. And after I went to orientation there, I could tell that it wasn't going to be the right fit for me. I moved my stuff in on a Friday night on August 24, 2012. Less than 24 hours I was packing my stuff back up and loading it in to the car, getting ready to head home. I came home and didn't know what was next for me. I had kind of secretly wanted to be do this, but I didn't know how people would react if I started at community college.Well I took one course at Oakton Community College in the fall, and didn't do very well. I guess the fact that I wasn't a full-time student hurt me because other things became distractions and it was almost as if school was an afterthought to me. In the spring semester, there was a hold on my Oakton account that wouldn't allow me to register for courses until the day classes started. So I decided to take a semester off. I spent time looking for jobs, and didn't have any luck. In April I was hired to work at the Jewel. Two weeks later I was verbally abused and put in to physical danger by an associate manager, so I walked away from the job. I didn't find a job for the summer either. But this was ultimately a good thing for me. Because I had to sit with and live in my laziness. I realized that laziness isn't a viable way of life. We weren't created to just sit around all day and do nothing.
Throughout the year I was involved in a Bible study at Northwestern for Young Life leaders. While I wasn't a Young Life leader, I was welcomed in and I made a bunch of new friends, most of them being students at Northwestern. While I had all this free time on my hands, I observed my friends at Northwestern. I saw how hard they worked and that encouraged me to do the same. I saw what campus life is like, and it looked kind of fun. While I got to hang out with them, there were also times where they were pretty busy because they had stuff to do at their school. At times I wished I went to NU so that I could be involved. And through this I realized that it would be important for me to go to school somewhere and maybe college wasn't such a bad thing.
So anyway, I got this opportunity to go to Carthage. And all summer I've been wondering what to do.
Something that I've been coming to realize is that going off to college is something I'm going to have to do at some point. About five weeks ago, when my former youth pastor came in to town for the weekend and I got to have lunch with him, it really hit me that this life wasn't made for comfort. This is my temporary home. I was put on this earth to serve God, and life isn't going to always be easy or what I want it to be. I've had a tough time adjusting to change, and always wanting life to go back to the way it was. But then I remembered, none of that is what I am living for. I am living for an eternity in Heaven with my creator and savior, and to one day hear him say, "Well done, good and faithful servant." I need to be living for Christ, and not for myself.
We shouldn't be trying to find comfort in this life. We need to step outside our comfort zones. And I feel that right now, God wants me to do just that and dive in to college head first.
Was I wrong to do what I did and leave Taylor? I don't think it necessarily was. In fact, I think God wanted me to stay back this year. I feel like I learned a lot about myself and about life this past year, stuff I might not have learned if I was going to a university. I think it would have been a bad thing for me to stay there, because I might have fallen in to a time of depression and done poorly, which would have made things harder for me. Instead, I feel I learned a lot and I actually am looking forward to starting school. God needed to have me here, to teach me patience and to trust him, and now I will be heading off to school. Something else was, being here and starting this blog helped me realize my love for writing and journalism. I realized that this is something I want to do, and I am going to be a communications major.
I will be starting at Carthage September 1. It's about time. I am not sure exactly what I want in a college, but I guess the best way for me to figure that out is to try it out. If Carthage isn't the right fit after a semester, I could always look around at other schools. But it's important for me to get myself out the door and get going on college. I know I'm going to get more done there than I would here.
I was reminded this past year, that change isn't always a bad thing. I was thinking about all the cool new friends I made, and the people I became closer to this year that I wasn't as close to in the past. God blessed me with those relationships. It's crazy to think that some of those people I didn't even know a year ago.
And so I look forward to starting at Carthage and going at things with a positive attitude. Trusting God, and letting him be my guide, and my shield. I know that going away won't mean loneliness, because he'll be there with me every step of the way.
"If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you."
-James 1:5
Something that I've been coming to realize is that going off to college is something I'm going to have to do at some point. About five weeks ago, when my former youth pastor came in to town for the weekend and I got to have lunch with him, it really hit me that this life wasn't made for comfort. This is my temporary home. I was put on this earth to serve God, and life isn't going to always be easy or what I want it to be. I've had a tough time adjusting to change, and always wanting life to go back to the way it was. But then I remembered, none of that is what I am living for. I am living for an eternity in Heaven with my creator and savior, and to one day hear him say, "Well done, good and faithful servant." I need to be living for Christ, and not for myself.
We shouldn't be trying to find comfort in this life. We need to step outside our comfort zones. And I feel that right now, God wants me to do just that and dive in to college head first.
Was I wrong to do what I did and leave Taylor? I don't think it necessarily was. In fact, I think God wanted me to stay back this year. I feel like I learned a lot about myself and about life this past year, stuff I might not have learned if I was going to a university. I think it would have been a bad thing for me to stay there, because I might have fallen in to a time of depression and done poorly, which would have made things harder for me. Instead, I feel I learned a lot and I actually am looking forward to starting school. God needed to have me here, to teach me patience and to trust him, and now I will be heading off to school. Something else was, being here and starting this blog helped me realize my love for writing and journalism. I realized that this is something I want to do, and I am going to be a communications major.
I will be starting at Carthage September 1. It's about time. I am not sure exactly what I want in a college, but I guess the best way for me to figure that out is to try it out. If Carthage isn't the right fit after a semester, I could always look around at other schools. But it's important for me to get myself out the door and get going on college. I know I'm going to get more done there than I would here.
I was reminded this past year, that change isn't always a bad thing. I was thinking about all the cool new friends I made, and the people I became closer to this year that I wasn't as close to in the past. God blessed me with those relationships. It's crazy to think that some of those people I didn't even know a year ago.
And so I look forward to starting at Carthage and going at things with a positive attitude. Trusting God, and letting him be my guide, and my shield. I know that going away won't mean loneliness, because he'll be there with me every step of the way.
"If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you."
-James 1:5
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