I can't pinpoint a time where I had one previous to Wednesday. I can't remember ever feeling like I was out of breath when I hadn't been running or swimming.
What preceded this was the weight what has been perhaps the heaviest semester of my life.
19 credits. 7 classes. Work. Multiple deaths in my life over the past two months, including the deaths of two friends and a childhood friend and teammate. And now most recently, hearing of the health problems of my grandmother.
For two years, I walked my grandma's dog every single day. We have a very close relationship. And over the last three weeks, she has been in the hospital three separate times.
So here I am, losing my breath and feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders. I had to write three stories for the school newspaper and turn in a project that would be worth 10% of my grade the next day.
My body just gave out for a little bit and shot me a warning that I need to slow myself down a little bit, otherwise I could find myself in worse trouble.
So I thought about it. And I asked myself the question, aside from the grueling work and schoolwork I was doing (which everybody else has to do), what else was I spending my energy on? Why was I so exhausted?
The answer immediately became clear to me. Fear. Worry.
For years, I have gotten anxiety and depressed at random times. It's just the way my brain is wired. But in that moment, it finally clicked to me. Stop worrying.
Stop worrying. Perhaps the most frequent thing we are told NOT to do in the Bible is to fear.
Some examples:
Matthew 6:25-34, summed up by verse 34: "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."
Isaiah 41, summed up by verse 10: "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."
1 John 4:7-21, summed up by verse 18: "Perfect love casts out fear."
And the list goes on. Throughout the scriptures, God is telling us continually not to worry, because he's got us. He's going to take care of us. And if something unfortunate were to happen--for example the death of my friend Patrick--he still is there for us. He is still doing things that we might not see.
I think it's interesting that in that passage from 1 John, he juxtaposes love to fear. Wouldn't you expect it to be something like, love vs. hate? Or hope vs. fear? It's because love and hope are synonymous and fear comes from the enemy.
I think it's interesting that in that passage from 1 John, he juxtaposes love to fear. Wouldn't you expect it to be something like, love vs. hate? Or hope vs. fear? It's because love and hope are synonymous and fear comes from the enemy.
In 1 Peter, the disciple Peter describes the devil as a "roaring lion" roaming around looking for its prey (us). The negative thoughts that we get come from him. He's looking for a foothold. And I realized that the thoughts of worry I get about my grandma come from him. It's his way of trying to take me down.
Whatever happens with my grandma is completely out of my control. And I know that she wouldn't want me to get down or to worry about her. Nor would Patrick or Brad, who passed away untimely. They all would want me to keep living my life and giving it my all. They wouldn't want me to slow down for anything.
It's so easy to get worked up about things. Heck, this has been the worst two-month stretch I can remember going through. But God is still doing something. He's still giving me life every single day. God is still good.
So in summary, Satan = depression, anxiety and all the other messed up stuff.
Jesus = hope.
I have decided to try to stop worrying. Will you?
