A Letter To Those That Did Not Get A Bid From The Frat/Srat They Had Their Sights Set On Joining

Dear College Student,

I write you this letter because I know exactly how you feel. One year ago, I had my hopes set on joining a fraternity that almost all of my friends were either already in, or were joining. Not only did I believe that I would join the fraternity, but I felt like I needed the fraternity. At a small school like Carthage, the social dynamics feel like those of a high school's. Sometimes it feels like you need to be in a frat, in a sorority, or on a team in order to not only thrive socially, but to really enjoy yourself at school.

When bid day came, just about all of my friends that I rushed with received their bids. I did not. I was crushed. Devastated. I didn't leave my dorm room for two days. Not only did it sting not being able to be in this exclusive club with my friends, but I felt like I wasn't good enough. I felt unloved, un-cared about. For the next couple months, I felt an unhealthy amount of anger towards the fraternity. I consider myself to be a rather competitive person. I hate losing. In those months, I kept comparing myself to others that did get bids. I thought, "Wow, I'm way cooler than that guy." Or I did the opposite. I spent hours analyzing my own character trying to figure out what in the world was wrong with me. Why didn't anyone want me?

I grew up as an athlete. Any time that you tried out for a team, they would make a decision on whether or not you make the team based on your skill. You were either too weak, too slow, too small, too short, too skinny, too chubby, not a good enough defender, not a good enough shooter, not a good enough hitter, not a good enough passer, not a good enough scorer... you get the point. It was nothing personal. This is the same for just about everything else in life, except Greek life. I took great offense to the fact that people were saying I wasn't a cool enough guy to be in their fraternity, or whatever it was that they were saying by not giving me a bid.

What I did not realize then is that I am not defined by whether or not I can join some stupid club. Just because you didn't get a bid, doesn't mean that you're a loser. It doesn't mean you aren't good enough. It doesn't mean that they hate you.

In the fall, I decided I would rush again and give it a second try. Maybe this time around I would get a bid. I did not. Not long after, I talked to my cousin and his fiance about it. They told me that while it's lousy that I didn't get in, I can't let it define who I am. They told me that there are many contributing factors that I don't know about. Stupid things. For example, they talked about the power struggle within their Greek organizations when they were in college. Oftentimes, very sweet girls weren't able to get in to a sorority just because other girls knew who their friends were, and they didn't want their friend circle to have more numbers, along with more power in the sorority.

I once heard about a bid meeting at a school where a fraternity debated whether or not they should let a guy get a bid because he was active in a Christian fellowship group on their campus. They were afraid that it would become known as "the Christian fraternity." They didn't want to have too many people that don't drink and don't party, because then the frat wouldn't be fun anymore to them.

Whether or not you are able to join a club, doesn't reflect the character that you are. People get left out for bogus reasons that make no sense time and time again. I know some other awesome guys that were unable to join the frats they had their hearts set on joining, and that is that fraternity or sorority's loss. You aren't losing anything. They just missed out an awesome and very passionate person that would have been what their frat needed. They need you more than you need them.

As for the friendship aspect, don't allow yourself to feel lonely or on-the-outs because your friends are either in or are joining. It sucks having to listen to them talk about it nonstop. Don't be surprised if they do talk about it a lot. But don't get mad at them. They are very excited about what they are beginning. Let them be excited. If it becomes annoying or it bothers you, if it makes you feel on-the-outs, then spend less time around them, and meet or hang out with friends that also aren't in Greek life.

I'm going to be straight-up. Some people are going to join, and they are going to be consumed with their frat/sorority. They are going to go to every single event, join e-board, and spend all their time with their brothers or sisters. You might not see them much anymore. And if that is the case, who cares? While you may have been close to them, it isn't like you have known them for that long of a time. You're probably a freshman or sophomore reading this. You have known your friends here for only half a year. A year and a half tops. You haven't known these people very long. It is not like you are losing one of your friends from home that you have been tight with for years. You are still near the beginning of your college experience and you have no idea who else you are going to meet!

Being left out of Greek life has been a wonderful opportunity to meet more people and make friends that are also outside of Greek life. This year, in my second year here, I have learned a lot about myself. And I have figured out that I'm really glad that I didn't join a frat. It was a huge blessing in disguise. I am a very social person. I have friends from all different circles, and if I were to be in a fraternity, that would tie me down or at the very least limit me in that regard. I would not have gotten to know some of the best friends I have at school now.

Not to mention the amount of money that it costs each semester or year to be in the organization. Some organizations cost a whopping $750! I have been able to save that money and develop the same kind of life-lasting friendships that I did not need a fraternity to create for me.

I do not want this to sound like an "anti-Greek life" letter. That is not my intention. I have friends in Greek life that I still hang out with. I am sure that it is a good time, and it seems like most people get their money's worth. I write this because I want people to know that you do not need to join Greek life to have a good time. I write this to say, "you will be okay."

So if you are among those that did not get the letter they coveted this past week, keep your chin up. Don't feel down. They made a mistake by letting you get away from them. There's nothing wrong with you. You were perfectly made in the image of God. Your pocket gets to stay heavy, and now the world is your oyster.

If you did not get a bid and are feeling bummed out, I totally understand. Like I said, I know the feeling. I would like to help. Please message me, I would love to be able to reach out. Have a great day!

A Spring Semester Psych-Up Blog

Picture I snapped last spring at the campus of Carthage

So it's February. And it is cold out. The wonder of laziness and adventure that you had during j-term is over. It's back to the lab again. It's time to return to long walks in the cold, hours of homework every night, work shifts, and long nights in the library. I know at this time of the year a lot of people are tired out. Sick of school. Sick of the cold. My goal in this article is to give you all a Jack Donaghy-like psych-up speech.

February is regarded by some as "the worst month of the year." Some people experience seasonal depression. The holidays are over, yet it is still freezing outside. Football season just ended. And if you are single like I am, Valentine's Day is your least favorite holiday. When I was younger, I used to always get down once Christmas over. But there is a Relient K lyric that I think has a lot of value: "Christmas makes way for spring." And it's true.

Fall semester is a lot harder for me than spring semester is. In fall semester, the temperature is progressively getting colder. The leaves are falling from the trees. The life is getting sucked out of nature. Which is why it is so great to have Thanksgiving and Christmas to look forward to. But spring semester is the exact opposite.

While Christmastime may not come around for eleven months or so, things are coming to life! Spring is on its way! Flowers are blooming and trees are budding. The sun is coming back out. The days are getting longer. It will no longer get dark at 4:30 pm! As the semester rolls along, it will get warmer outside.

My favorite part of spring time? The return of baseball season! I love the fresh hope that you have as you watch your team play on opening day. I love the stimulating joy that you feel as you return to your team's ballpark for the first time of the year. I love the smell of the freshly cut grass, the taste of hot dogs grilled to perfection, and the sight of your team playing with the city that you love in the background.

But there is more to spring than just being a spectator. I love spring because it is a time for me to dust off my baseball glove, punch it a couple of times, go outside, play some catch with my buddies or my dad, shag fly-balls, or have a home run derby at the local park. I love not having to be cooped up inside of my dorm room, and going outside. I love going out and playing nine holes of golf with my dad or my friends, meanwhile having hours of meaningful conversation as we struggle to keep our drives on the fairway, take ugly-looking hacks in the sand-traps, and four-put our way to the cup.

Now I know what some of you are thinking. Really Jack? You just had to bring up baseball and golf, the two most "boring" sports in the world. Maybe you don't love the same things that I love. But maybe you love something different. Maybe you can finally go back outside to play ultimate frisbee, or pick-up soccer. Maybe you're a runner and you love to run down the bike trail or down the lake shore. Maybe you love to bike. Maybe you don't love any of these things, and maybe this is your opportunity to get outside and try.

Perhaps last semester was the worst three-month stretch of your life. Perhaps you struggled to make friends. Perhaps you rushed a fraternity or a sorority and were told that you weren't good enough. Perhaps you are a freshman and you were a great student in high school, and you picked up some bad habits your first semester, and you didn't succeed for the first time in your life. Perhaps you have never been a good student and being put on academic probation made you realize that you needed to make a change. Perhaps your boyfriend or girlfriend broke up with you, or you had personal struggles occurring from the outside world. Maybe you contemplated not coming back for second semester. I don't know. But I do know something.

As bad as last semester could have been, it is over. You survived. You made it. Your old classes are gonezo. You have a clean slate, a fresh start, whether you realize it or not. If you didn't do well academically, now is your chance to step your game up. If there is a club or something that you thought about going to last semester and wanted to get involved with, give it a shot! Step outside your comfort zone. This is your opportunity to be a new person, or an improved version of your old self.

And if you hit some speed bumps along the way, lick your wounds and keep going. Don't get discouraged if you screwed something up. Don't dwell on it. You didn't blow your opportunity. Failure is a blessing in disguise. Jesus says, "In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world," (John 16:33). We will have trouble. The only question is how will we handle that trouble?

Give yourself checkpoints. Break the semester up in to chunks and allow for yourself to relax. Spring breaks is only 7 weeks away, right after midterms. Not long after that is Easter. By the time you get back from Easter, you'll only have a month and a half left of school, and then it will be summer.

Breathe in the fresh, spring air, see what God has in store for you, and make the most of it. Spring is a season filled with hope. My hope this spring, is that you find hope.