Being a Christian in college is an even weirder time. At the age of 21, I know a dozen different couples that are either engaged or about to get engaged. When I was in high school, almost all of my youth group leaders were college students, and almost all of them were either married or engaged.
Growing up, I thought that was how my life would shape out. I believed that I would find my wife while I was in college, and then get married not long after college. I thought that anything different from the blueprint that was laid out for me would be a disappointment.
This created a great deal of pressure. Going in to college, this was near the top of my priorities. It was always on mind. I wanted to find a great Christian girl. I wanted to find my wife. Meanwhile, I was watching many of my friends enter in to God-glorifying relationships that were making them happy. There were Friday nights where I would just sit in my room by myself, while all my friends would go on dates. I wanted what they had.
I began to become impatient. I felt a lot of pressure from my parents who still bother me about this. Maybe it's because I have never dated. I don't know. It doesn't matter.
But I started getting down on myself because of this. I wondered if there was something wrong with me. But then I reminded myself that I have had opportunities to date some girls that I have declined because they weren't right for me, so that couldn't be the case.
Around this time, I had a meaningful conversation with a past youth group leader of mine. I told him about my struggles and he told me that there was nothing wrong that I was doing. I was desiring a good thing, but I was making it an idol in my life, something that was getting in the way of me seeing God.
Something he told me was, if you're expecting someone else to satisfy you, you're going to be disappointed. Among the dozen or so couples that are my age that are engaged, I feel like half of them are expecting their marriage to fulfill them. This is a recipe for disaster.
He also told me that before I can ever date someone, I need to be able to be content in my singleness. Joy comes from God, not other people. As I said, I feel like some people are setting themselves up for disappointment and marital struggles. Some aren't. That's none of my business, so I shouldn't speculate.
For some, getting married at a very young age is the right move. For others, it isn't. There isn't one blueprint of how to do it.
But I do know that I wasn't content with being single at the time. And I knew that I needed to just relax and stop stressing over it.
Last semester was a really important semester in my life. I developed a really close brotherhood with a few other Christian guys. Among the four of us, only one was in a relationship, and his girlfriend went to another school. So what came as a result? Guy time.
I never realized how important, special and great friendships can be, especially at the college age. This is a time in our lives where we are learning more about ourselves than we ever have before, and making choices that are going to play a part in forming the people that we are 30 years from now.
With these awesome guys, we were just able to relax and enjoy life together. Every day we were doing stuff together. Whether it was watching sports, playing video games, throwing each other batting practice, free-style rapping, or whatever, we were brothers. That brotherhood helped carry me through a difficult semester otherwise. These guys helped me make memories that I will never forget, and have brotherhood to a level that I have never seen before.
For the first time in college, I felt like I was content in my singleness. And I was having a lot of fun doing stuff, that if I was in a relationship, I may not have had time for.
And as I prepare to head in to the real world in a year and a half, an early, right out-of-college marriage may not be a good thing. I want to work in the field of journalism, and I don't know what kind of job I am going to have. But some jobs, like beat-writers, require nonstop traveling.I could get a job covering a baseball team, and be traveling all around the country from February to November.
Furthermore, I have discovered that I have received a temporary gift of singleness. A blessing in disguise. When I find my wife, it won't be on my timing. For a while, that deeply distraught me. Now? It's a very comforting feeling, as I know it will come on God's timing.
People have got to stop stressing so much about finding the right girl or the guy when they're in college. You came to college to learn! To learn about yourself. To learn about the field you want to go in to, and to best prepare yourself for a professional career. By entering a serious relationship you may be limiting your growth in other areas. At least I know that it would have for me.
When it's all said and done, maybe you will meet the love or your life in college. Or maybe you won't. But don't let that define your college experience. Let it be a piece of it. Don't waste your time searching for it and longing for it. Enjoy a unique time in your life where there are lots of other young people around you that are also learning.
If you are like me, and you still haven't dated, that's okay. There's nothing wrong with you.
I have some friends that I can just tell can't handle being single. They bounce from one relationship to the next because they don't want to be alone, meanwhile wasting their time in relationships that aren't going anywhere.
Don't do that. Focus on being content in your singleness. Just because you are single now doesn't mean that you won't ever find love. God has a weird way of making sure everything works out in the end.
"Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus"
-1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
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