Around this time last year, I graduated from college. As I continue to have my social media feeds flooded with graduation pictures from my peers, I thought I'd take this time to reflect and share some thoughts with the class of 2018:
A year ago, I was like you. I had big dreams. I had lofty aspirations for my first year of post-graduate living.
Last spring I sat in a large crowd of over a thousand graduates, walked across the stage for an expensive piece of paper, and everything else from the commencement was a blur. The ceremony ended and I raced back to my apartment, where I met my parents and siblings. We snapped some pictures, drank some celebratory sparkling grape juice (I don't drink alcohol), and proceeded to move all of my stuff out and clean my apartment as fast as we could.
Within a couple of hours of receiving my diploma, I was already on my way home. Don't worry, we still went out to dinner that night and still celebrated this important milestone in my life. But while most of my friends remained in my college town the night of the biggest day of our lives (up to that point), I left for the next chapter of my life as soon as I could.
This story serves as a symbol of how excited I was for the next phase, a phase I like to refer to as "my freshman year in life." As I sat in my cap and gown in a hot and sweaty gym, I felt like I was only inches away from reaching my dreams. As I walked across the stage and collected my diploma, it felt like I had walked into the end zone for the last time. I didn't settle for a field goal on my final drive.
I had planned to pursue sports reporting immediately after my graduation and had hoped to secure a regular job within my first few months of freelancing. But let me tell you something: This crazy game of inches that we call 'life' has a funny way of knocking you on your tailbone when you feel like you've got it all figured out.
Within a number of days after coming home, my thyroid disease (which I was diagnosed with at the start of my senior year of college) started acting up big time. Long story short, my thyroid levels were extremely irregular, and I've been on the DL (Disabled List) ever since. My health condition has kept me from working and reaching my initial, immediate post-graduate goals.
It's easy to get disappointed in myself. I had far greater hopes for myself. It's easy to compare myself to my classmates and peers who are thriving in their first year of post-graduate living, and feel like I'm wasting my potential. Sometimes it feels like the last year of my life has been wasted, but when I really take the time to reflect and listen to what God is trying to tell me, I know that is very far from the truth.
My life, my career and my future aren't going to be defined by my first year in the real world. Just as my freshman year of college didn't define me, my freshman year of life doesn't define me either.
It's good to have big dreams and big goals, but if you are unable to achieve them immediately, you can't let that get you down. There's no one-size-fits-all model for the game of life. Life's a marathon, and we're all running it at our own pace.
If you find yourself in a situation similar to mine, you haven't wasted any of your potential. No, not yet. It's clear that my plans didn't align with God's plans for me for the moment. Right now, He's charging me like a battery, because for the last two years, I've been running on 'low power mode'. Throughout my senior year of college, I was very sick and by God's grace, I somehow managed to make it through the year and finish my degree. God knows what we need even more than we think we do.
I'm certain that I'm not the only person out there right now whose first year in the real world didn't go according to plan. I'm certain that I'm not the only person that has no idea what the future is going to hold or in what direction God is going to point them in. It can be scary sometimes, but trust me, in the words of High School Musical, "we're all in this together."
It may look like other people have it all figured out. But the fact of the matter is that we're all lost in some capacity and we're all finding our footing. None of us have it all figured out at 22. Or 23. Or 24. Heck, I would assume we won't have it all figured out when we're double that age. Because in every stage of life we're in, God is continuing to teach us things. Because we're imperfect beings, there will always be things for us to improve upon, and thus, things for us to figure out.
So if you're like me, and you sometimes stress that you have no idea what you're doing, it's okay!! It's okay to be unsure, because I trust that God will always point you in the direction He wants you to be in, if you allow Him to do so. As long as you're doing all that you can, you have nothing to fear.
Throughout this entire process of getting healthy, my relationship with Jesus Christ has remained at the center of my life, which has continued to grow deeper in my time of uncertainty. I've read a chapter of my Bible everyday since the day I was diagnosed with Graves' disease (and in the 10 months before that!). I couldn't imagine what it would be like fighting this battle on my own, and its essential for me to remain rooted in God's Word. So often, we want God to bring answers and guidance to our lives, but how can we do that if we neglect the words that HE spoke? Everything is laid out there before us in scripture, in which God uses to speak to us today.
Whether you share my Christian beliefs or not, I hope you can see that though my struggles haven't been easy, they've been good for me. In many ways they have prepared me for the real world that working a 9-5 job can't. God is teaching me perseverance, and when the time comes for me to work and do what I love, I'll have an even greater appreciation for the ability to work, and I'm sure I'll work my darn hardest. In the meantime, I'll just continue to treat my condition, work part-time for my dad so I can pay off student loans, and continue to practice my craft of writing and podcasting, staying fresh in the bullpen for the day my number is called.
If your freshman year in life doesn't line up with the way you had envisioned it, don't worry, and I'm sure you can find many blessings along the way, if you look for them.
"being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."
-Philippians 1:6
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