Dear College Student,
I write you this letter because I know exactly how you feel. One year ago, I had my hopes set on joining a fraternity that almost all of my friends were either already in, or were joining. Not only did I believe that I would join the fraternity, but I felt like I needed the fraternity. At a small school like Carthage, the social dynamics feel like those of a high school's. Sometimes it feels like you need to be in a frat, in a sorority, or on a team in order to not only thrive socially, but to really enjoy yourself at school.
When bid day came, just about all of my friends that I rushed with received their bids. I did not. I was crushed. Devastated. I didn't leave my dorm room for two days. Not only did it sting not being able to be in this exclusive club with my friends, but I felt like I wasn't good enough. I felt unloved, un-cared about. For the next couple months, I felt an unhealthy amount of anger towards the fraternity. I consider myself to be a rather competitive person. I hate losing. In those months, I kept comparing myself to others that did get bids. I thought, "Wow, I'm way cooler than that guy." Or I did the opposite. I spent hours analyzing my own character trying to figure out what in the world was wrong with me. Why didn't anyone want me?
I grew up as an athlete. Any time that you tried out for a team, they would make a decision on whether or not you make the team based on your skill. You were either too weak, too slow, too small, too short, too skinny, too chubby, not a good enough defender, not a good enough shooter, not a good enough hitter, not a good enough passer, not a good enough scorer... you get the point. It was nothing personal. This is the same for just about everything else in life, except Greek life. I took great offense to the fact that people were saying I wasn't a cool enough guy to be in their fraternity, or whatever it was that they were saying by not giving me a bid.
What I did not realize then is that I am not defined by whether or not I can join some stupid club. Just because you didn't get a bid, doesn't mean that you're a loser. It doesn't mean you aren't good enough. It doesn't mean that they hate you.
In the fall, I decided I would rush again and give it a second try. Maybe this time around I would get a bid. I did not. Not long after, I talked to my cousin and his fiance about it. They told me that while it's lousy that I didn't get in, I can't let it define who I am. They told me that there are many contributing factors that I don't know about. Stupid things. For example, they talked about the power struggle within their Greek organizations when they were in college. Oftentimes, very sweet girls weren't able to get in to a sorority just because other girls knew who their friends were, and they didn't want their friend circle to have more numbers, along with more power in the sorority.
I once heard about a bid meeting at a school where a fraternity debated whether or not they should let a guy get a bid because he was active in a Christian fellowship group on their campus. They were afraid that it would become known as "the Christian fraternity." They didn't want to have too many people that don't drink and don't party, because then the frat wouldn't be fun anymore to them.
Whether or not you are able to join a club, doesn't reflect the character that you are. People get left out for bogus reasons that make no sense time and time again. I know some other awesome guys that were unable to join the frats they had their hearts set on joining, and that is that fraternity or sorority's loss. You aren't losing anything. They just missed out an awesome and very passionate person that would have been what their frat needed. They need you more than you need them.
As for the friendship aspect, don't allow yourself to feel lonely or on-the-outs because your friends are either in or are joining. It sucks having to listen to them talk about it nonstop. Don't be surprised if they do talk about it a lot. But don't get mad at them. They are very excited about what they are beginning. Let them be excited. If it becomes annoying or it bothers you, if it makes you feel on-the-outs, then spend less time around them, and meet or hang out with friends that also aren't in Greek life.
I'm going to be straight-up. Some people are going to join, and they are going to be consumed with their frat/sorority. They are going to go to every single event, join e-board, and spend all their time with their brothers or sisters. You might not see them much anymore. And if that is the case, who cares? While you may have been close to them, it isn't like you have known them for that long of a time. You're probably a freshman or sophomore reading this. You have known your friends here for only half a year. A year and a half tops. You haven't known these people very long. It is not like you are losing one of your friends from home that you have been tight with for years. You are still near the beginning of your college experience and you have no idea who else you are going to meet!
Being left out of Greek life has been a wonderful opportunity to meet more people and make friends that are also outside of Greek life. This year, in my second year here, I have learned a lot about myself. And I have figured out that I'm really glad that I didn't join a frat. It was a huge blessing in disguise. I am a very social person. I have friends from all different circles, and if I were to be in a fraternity, that would tie me down or at the very least limit me in that regard. I would not have gotten to know some of the best friends I have at school now.
Not to mention the amount of money that it costs each semester or year to be in the organization. Some organizations cost a whopping $750! I have been able to save that money and develop the same kind of life-lasting friendships that I did not need a fraternity to create for me.
I do not want this to sound like an "anti-Greek life" letter. That is not my intention. I have friends in Greek life that I still hang out with. I am sure that it is a good time, and it seems like most people get their money's worth. I write this because I want people to know that you do not need to join Greek life to have a good time. I write this to say, "you will be okay."
So if you are among those that did not get the letter they coveted this past week, keep your chin up. Don't feel down. They made a mistake by letting you get away from them. There's nothing wrong with you. You were perfectly made in the image of God. Your pocket gets to stay heavy, and now the world is your oyster.
If you did not get a bid and are feeling bummed out, I totally understand. Like I said, I know the feeling. I would like to help. Please message me, I would love to be able to reach out. Have a great day!
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