Last night, when I was at a Young Life leadership meeting, someone asked me what Jesus taught me in the year of 2012. I had to think about it for a second. I had to be patient to think of the answer. And then I realized that was exactly it: the Lord had taught me patience. Let me do a recap of the past year.
When 2012 started, I was eagerly waiting to find out where I would be going to college. I had my heart set on attending Moody Bible Institute and becoming a youth pastor. I simply could not wait to get my early decision letter back, to find out if I had gotten in or not. I was praying about it every day, that the Lord would make his plans clear to me and give me direction.
It was this week last year, the night before my last final ever at New Trier High School, that I received a letter informing me that I had been deferred from Moody. I don't know if I had ever been more stressed in my life. I really wanted to just know if I would get in or not. I didn't want to have to wait three and a half months to find out. I was so frustrated.
Over that time I applied to another school, Taylor University. A good friend of mine goes to Taylor and had always recommended it to me so I went to visit and I really enjoyed my time there with him. I applied to Taylor, and a few days before I heard from them, I got a letter from Moody. Each day leading up to hearing back, I had been praying and trusting God with my future. I saw the letter from Moody, took a deep breath, and said one last prayer. I opened it up and was shocked to find out that I had been accepted. I had been told that the Moody acceptance rate to the Chicago campus was about 20%. I was so happy and my family was so proud of me. A few days later I got a letter saying I had been accepted to Taylor. Now I had a decision to make.
I spent countless hours praying, writing out pros and cons lists for each school, and just trying to figure out what God had planned for me. With about three days left or so before I had to make a decision, I was helping with the parking team at my church, the newly opened Harvest Bible Chapel North Shore campus. While I was helping, I was praying about what I should do. All the sudden I felt like the Lord was telling me to NOT go to Moody. I didn't feel that he was calling me to full-time church ministry, maybe not yet at least. I didn't know what to feel, and I immediately was flooded with doubts in my mind. I decided to take a personal breakfast and go to McDonald's to just pray and try to make a final decision. As I entered my car with all those doubts, I turned on the radio. Right as I turned it on and started the car, Casting Crowns' Voice of Truth was just starting. It literally started at the exact time I started the car. I knew this was a God occurrence. The song is one of my favorite Christian songs and the lyrics to the course read "The voice of truth tells me a different story, the voice of truth says do not be afraid, and the voice of truth says this is for my glory, out of all the voices calling out to me, I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth." This song just spoke to me and I knew that it wasn't God's plan for me to attend Moody, at least not yet. Maybe God will lead me to Moody later, but not right now. So since Moody was out, what was I to do?
I figured that since God didn't want me to go to Moody that his plan for me was to attend Taylor. It was one of the hardest things for me to do to write to Moody and tell them I was turning down the incredible opportunity of a lifetime they had given to me. I had planned for what would happen if I didn't get in to anywhere and that was to do community college and stick around here. That idea secretly appealed to me but I didn't want people to look down on me for going to community college. I signed up for Taylor and finished off my senior year of high school, the best year of my entire life.
As high school reached its end, I felt very sad. I didn't want to leave New Trier. My senior year had been incredible and I had made so many friends. It was hard for me to walk up and grab my diploma on graduation day because I didn't want to leave. I wanted to stay at New Trier. I didn't want to leave what I knew and start something I wasn't familiar with. I had a fun summer, but felt stressed over most of it. I looked to Jesus to find my peace of mind. I went to freshman orientation in the middle of the summer and something didn't feel right. I didn't want to go back there but I forced myself because I thought that that was what everyone was supposed to do, go away to college and grow up.
When I got to Taylor, I had a pretty bad experience there and found myself up all night praying. I felt that God didn't want me there. I didn't know what to think anymore. I had driven 215 miles to find out that God wanted to keep me where I already was. Once again, I didn't know what was going on and I still had no idea where God was leading me. Once again things had changed and I didn't know where God was with this. Why did God put me through all that?
I came home and started at Oakton Community College, working part-time for my friend's dad doing deliveries with furniture. While I was somewhat making myself useful, I felt kind of lonely being here with all of my friends off at college. For quite a while it was like that for me. I kept praying and praying and didn't have any results for a while. But then I got a text from someone inviting me to come to Young Life leadership meetings on Friday nights. I went that week and was so encouraged by everyone. I continued to go and I realized that God had really blessed me with a family of believers and friends. Those leadership meetings are honestly the best two hours of my week and I am so grateful for the new friends I have made and for the friendships I already had, that have grown stronger over this year. I spent all that time praying and God delivered. I really learned that I needed to have patience with God. We all want to know where our life is going and what's in store for us in the future, and I still have no idea what God has planned for me. But I know I don't have to fear because I know that God controls my future.
One last way God has taught me patience this year is through my church youth group, which I have been helping out with as a leader. We started a Bible study in the summer and we had a good amount of kids going. But then when we started it as a youth group, we had weeks and weeks and weeks where there were only two kids there. It was rather discouraging. We all kept praying though that God would bless our group, and over time our group has slowly gotten bigger. This past Sunday we had ten kids! Even when it seems like God isn't working, he is. God is just so incredibly awesome, I just don't know what else to say. The Lord really taught me patience this past year, and to just trust him with everything.
Right now, I'm still at community college, and I still don't know where I will be next year, what I'll be doing, and what God has in store for me, but I know I don't need to worry about it. Patience. God always has a plan.
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